No clever title - just glad I'm blogging

I almost didn't make it tonight. I hadn't been to L2 in a week and a half, and a riotous end to my workday made me feel more like finding the nearest bar and drinking myself tight (which at this stage would take approximately 2 1/2 beers...). I knew I would be sans most of my dorks as well, and even as I was on the carpet stretching I contemplated claiming illness and going home to pass out in the park. Around 6:50 Leo pointed out to me that I was essentially the most senior person present and that I would potentially have to lead class - Xu had already showered and changed, though I am fairly confident she would have thrown her robes on rather than the ludicrous option of having me to teach L2. Luckily, or maybe through circumvention, N'ou appeared at 6:55 to get us all sweating and panting appropriately.

There were only ten of us in class and a large proportion of newer L2 folks, so I think N'ou took pity on us/was appalled by our basics, because he spent a lot of time stopping/slowing us down to work on execution and technique for our basic moves. Funnily enough, this was just what I wanted. When the brief and unlikely idea was proposed that I might have to lead class I thought "what would I do?" I quickly decided that rather than act under the pretense that I was advanced enough to provide qualified corrections, that I would lead us all through basics and then spend the second half of class doing a "technique workshop" where everyone would have the chance to just pound away at various basic moves. Thankfully that task did not fall to me, but N'ou trained us in a similar vein. Level 2 is not like L1 where you spend a week learning one basic and you spend a year getting kicked back to KFK if you start messing up, so it was definitely nice to have a class where we were simply grilled through our sloppy habits and reacquainted with our pop and extension.

In the end, I was glad I came if only to get a two-in-a-row this week. I am trying very hard to get back into the correct training and blogging groove, but in spite of post-class happiness, getting myself there initially has been a struggle. I know once I get on a roll it will sort back out; starting the roll is the tricky part. Probably blogging at 1 am is not conducive to my rolling into class tomorrow though...

Many Happy Returns!

Last night was my Shaolin two-year anniversary. Hard to believe. I remember when I began and seeing the people who had been training for two years and thinking "Wow, I hope I can stick it out that long and be even half that good. They are so hardcore..." It's weird to imagine that I might now be that person in the eyes of people just now starting their training journey; I generally still feel like such a beginner. Last night, though, I felt everything come together in a remarkable way.

To begin with, it was a big class just like the good old days: 36 people! Maybe it was the size, because I felt like training was easier than usual. Or maybe it was the heat giving us a break, or that I was chock full of sugar. My endurance was up, nothing seriously hurt- anniversary chi? Certainly part of it was the great people training beside me. Not only were many of my fellow dorks there in force, but several of the old guard, who usually only show up to L2 were there as well. Xu was teaching, Han and Khalid both turned up, and I felt exactly in the right place: the middle.

Two years is no small feat for me, and though I hope to have many more ahead, in taking stock of my training I felt very satisfied. I could sit and list all the moves and forms I've learned, list my weight loss and muscle gain, tabulate out the total amount of $$ spent on tuition and uniforms and countless feiyues, the hours spent in Temple, but none of that would really convey what has happened in the last two years. Training has given me so much perspective on myself, taught me so many things beyond kicks and stances, and provided me with a new path in my life.

I like to think that even if I had to leave tomorrow I would be able to continue to cultivate what I've started there, but I know it would be hard. Coming off of several busy weeks of being in and out of town and having house-guests, I haven't been able to train my usual schedule, and it was hard to get my lazy bum to class last night. As soon as training started though, I felt 100% better and everything began to slide back into place. So maybe it will take a few more years before I am genuinely carrying the temple everywhere. Until then I am simply thankful for how much I've gained, the opportunity to gain even more, and for the ability to share this time of my life with all the amazing people I've met there. Amituofo!

More Chi! More Fun!

I would like to think that because of the last post, we had a lot of people showing up last night both for training and dinner, including a new student - Cyril - who just started training on Wednesday. Last night also marked a second anniversary of the our own super chi dork - Heng Cheng.

At the head of the lines, we had the old-timers Khalid, Han, Eric All Night, De, and Doctor Dan. Followed them closely with equal chi are (used to be) long hair Christopher, Leo, Cheng, Rob, Shi, Ellen, Ra (Jin) and me. The lines moved very smoothly and quickly despite a big class with lots of new students.

I love it. I love training. I love training with a lot of people. I love training with a lot of people with a lot of chi.

I'm so super happy. Can't wait to train again this Saturday!

the Importance of Being Oldest

At dinner last night after the class, we talked about how a lot of people don't show up to Level 1 classes anymore after they passed to Level 2. And how much more fun and more chi the class is when older (Kungfu age) people train.

I think with the style of Kungfu that we train, students become better, movements more natural, the more and longer we train.

This is why it's always a treat when people who've been training for a long time show up to train with us in the class. They are inspiring and full of chi.

But since we are not monks, living in the middle of nowhere, we have other obligations in life as well. Some of us physically moved. Some moved on. Some just have to deal with life vs. training schedule.

For those of us who are still training, I just quit my job and won't be working for a while. You'll see me more regularly at the temple. :)

June Finale

My family is in town; I haven't had a proper night's rest in two weeks; I've been traveling all over, gone to two weddings, and didn't get any food yesterday until 4:00. Whine whine whine whine. I didn't think I was gonna be training, THAT'S for sure. But when my siblings decided they wanted to just bop around the city this evening I decided to end the four day training drought and get my body and mind a step closer to normalcy. Maybe I would pass out/throw up/ really want to die, but I needed to do it.

Turned out to be a very hot, fast, and excellent class. I thought that the dehydration and exhaustion were going to be near-insurmountable hurdles. But while there were definite moments of dizziness and fuzzy brain, the 4-day-off-flexibility and healed joints counter-acted my tiredness and I had a lot of fun going down the line. My jumps actually felt stronger, my kicks were high, and mentally I was totally there, making myself laugh with silly training jokes. (At one point, I had a visualization of Eric having a fight with a giraffe.) Even at the end when I knew liyu dating was coming and I questioned my body's ability to make it, I was able to shake the cobwebs out and go for it.

I'm especially glad I returned to the groove because tonight my little sister will be joining me in class and I want to be back in gear. Good to know that reservoir chi is always there even when you least expect it.

Balancing Act

I’ve had some difficulty maintaining a regular blogging schedule in spite of my declaration to be more consistent. I guess I just don’t want to bore everyone with the same thing over and over or mindless filler blogging that hasn’t a real point. I’m usually so tired at night that when I blog, I wake up and find a whole mess of stream-of-consciousness writing staring back at me.

I’ve sort of hit an era of transition in my life, and I’m trying to let training carry me through it, but not distract me from it. This distinction was brought again to my attention over the last three days training. I was away for 5 days at a wedding so I was definitely suffering from withdrawal, but on top of the happiness in returning classes have been additionally great. N’ou has been back bringing extra chi to L2. Tuesday’s class was the most chi I’ve felt in a class possibly ever; there are lots of new people making classes bigger and Randy was there to help push me further on my handstands and straddle split. Last night, the demo team was in full force learning a sword form. It feels like the beginning of a new stage of my training journey, and one that I want to maximize and fully immerse myself in.

As I’ve said before, I am somewhere between wanting to be amateur and wanting to be a pro kung fu trainee. Do I want to be on demo team some day? That would be rad. But I don’t want to lose focus on those things I’m trying to sort out in my “real life” as well. Training is a big part of my life, but unless I’m angling to be a Sifu, it can’t be the only part. I’m trying to tell myself to balance the addiction with other goals. But then, if I had done that the last three nights I would have missed some great classes. It’s all about balance, but if you’ve seen some of my forms, you know that’s something I need work on both literally and figuratively…

Roller Coaster Chi

Last night was one of the most difficult classes I've had training. Not because of Heng N'ou who was teaching or the hot and humid air. It's this unbearable pain and pure frustration.

After each of the jump, I almost broke down in tears.

I guess it's time I admit my limitation.

I started hurting my right knee over a year ago. And just recently I felt myself stronger. I was able to stop using knee braces and go through classes without pain. I felt chi through the roof and I could train as much as I wanted!

But it came back - the pain - with vengeance. This time it moved to my left knee. What did I do? What should I do now? I want to keep training because it's one of a few things I have that keep me sane. But this pain and frustration is driving me even crazier. This is no-win.

I guess I'll just go insane for a few weeks until my knees heal then.

Pondering Caijiao

For the first time Shifu had me teach Caijiao today. I took it as a compliment and an ultimate validation of my training progress. Think about it. This was the awesomest Heng Li's job. And for one class, I got to do it.

Although I don't think I was as good a teacher as he had been, I'm still feeling giddy.

Watching my two brand new students kept trying, I was reminded of how my Caijiao must have looked like when I first started. And I found a new appreciation for my training progress.

.........

But now thinking about it while writing this post, I start to doubt myself. Why do I need any validation from Shifu to appreciate my own progress? Why couldn't I realize that for myself? I mean I train hard and I like training. Why can't that be enough?

OK. I guess it was enough. I am happy with my chi. Outside confirmation is good. But the only real confirmation is from myself.

This is difficult.

I guess I'll just train harder and stop thinking. For now.

Moving Forward One Caijiao at a Time

I think I’ve mentioned before that sometimes during class, when the going gets tough, I remind myself that this is as hard as it can get. Every class will be a little easier, because every time I am making myself a little stronger. I think I’ve also mentioned how I know that this is a completely inaccurate and illogical rationale.

Last night though, when Sifu was saying “challenge yourself, move forward not back” I realized just how very inaccurate and illogical my rationale really was. Before, I was thinking it was off because some days you have more sleep, better nutrition and so on and so on. But last night I realized (or re-realized) something else. That if you are always pushing yourself, training will always be hard, no matter if it's L1 or L2. If you're training with the same intensity then you'll always be pushing yourself to that next level. Sure if I kicked as low as I did when I first started, training would be a breeze, but because I’m pushing forward, kicking higher, stances lower, popping harder, it's still just as tough as that very first day. I’m moving forward.

This made me think of one of Sifu’s other axioms, “nothing is difficult, nothing is easy.” I usually focus on the “nothing is difficult” part because telling yourself that nothing is easy isn't really an inspiring though. But in light of my other musings, it’s GOOD that nothing is easy. The day a class becomes easy is the day I'm not pushing myself, not training hard. The pain and difficulty are marks that I’m keeping my resolution to train harder. This all feels familiar, maybe I’ve blogged it before, but it’s a point worth reiterating. At least, I have to reiterate it for myself for when I feel lame still being tired during tengkong fanyao even after doing it for 2 years... But then, enjoying the never-ending ass-kicking is part of what we love about training, right? :D

Is there a muscle-milk-melon?

Last night's class was infinitely less tragic than Monday's heat-fest. There was a big group, lots of chi, and 5 people on line doing staff during forms. After class we had watermelon again thanks to Heng Mo, and I must say, it's my new favorite post-training snack. I never used to be much of a fan but after sweating through a hot class it's the only think I want to put in my body except 3 gallons of water. As much fun as I have going to dinner, the inevitable noodles, meat and tea don't really sit well with me after class, especially late at night. The sugar and water of the watermelon are just right. But I also feel like I should be putting protein back into my body for my muscles to rebuild. I know we've covered this before, but what is your ideal post-training meal - specifically for a night class? Extra-specifically in the dog days of summer. I'm curious if other people feel woozy whenever they walk out of Thai Son...