The Motivator

Leo gave some interesting thoughts on motivations for beginning training and continuing to train. Specifically he was discussing the difference between men and women and retention, but I began thinking about the reason(s) I started training and how they are similar or different to the ones I have to continue training, both in terms of the long term commitment as well as what gets me to temple daily. We've talked a lot about why we train now: the challenge, the community, the mental training, the benefits to our personal well being, and the straight up exercise. But for me at least, I started training for different reasons than those that motivate me now.My initial impulse to come train was borne of 2 things 1) I had lots of free time and I was bored 2)I wanted to look cool doing kung fu at parties. Secret number 3 was that I wanted to become a contract killer.......... The free time is now gone (yes I'm working again). I have found I feel un -coordinated more that I feel cool when training; and if anything the more I learn the more I'm humbled about the lifetime of learning left. And, I don't want to be a contract killer anymore..... But clearly I still train; funny how things change like that. You always get more than you bargained for. I'd be interested to know what prompted other folks to start training (exercise? party trick? followed a friend/boyfriend/family member?) and whether that's the same motivator they have now.

(Also, I love the Buddhist-y cyclical nature of how you train for a reason but training changes your reasons for training so you train more and then your motivations change again and so on and so forth...)

Girl Power

I've always found it mildly irritating when girls come to train kung fu and they use the fact that they're female to sort of train halfway. You know the giggly, oh I'm embarrassed, sweat? what's that? kind of thing. I've never been a super girly girl, and always fairly sporty, so I never got that whole mentality. Of course we are all self conscious our first time out, but for some girls the silliness never goes away though the girls eventually do.

Last night, however, I felt like a dumb girl for the first time. L2 is like going back to those first days of L1 where everyone is intimidatingly better than you. But it's not quite the same because you do know a little bit, plus you know the people there and have a few newbies taking the ride the same time as you. My last class however, we were learning a strike, a pretty rudimentary straight punch, and I just couldn't seem to get it.

Training is a lot of kicking, and we don't do that many strikes in L1. Or if we do they're attached to a kick or stance. I was just very conscious of the fact that I did not know how to punch properly and I felt very conspicuous over in the back watching myself in the mirror. I felt, well, like a silly girl who's never punched someone unless you count the time I punched a boy on the playground when I was 12. Instead of giggling and giving up though, I got angry at myself for being so dumb and focused harder on our drill. I don't think I was looking like Muhammad Ali by the end there, but I think it definitely looked better than at the beginning.

So now I have a little more sympathy for the so called "silly girls" who feel lost when doing something new to them. And while kung fu has helped obliterate a lot of my painful self consciousness, I got a reminder that there is still plenty left to get over, but will get over if I just keep focusing on my goal. Plus, it's ok to be girly; we smell better.