Stress test

Whenever I'm training, I always tell myself that no matter what, this is the hardest class will ever be, because I will always be a little bit stronger every time. Of course that's not true and doesn't take into account factors such as food, sleep, who's teaching, the weather and many other things that affect how one feels while training. But still, that little lie sometimes helps me get myself to class when I'm not feeling the chi.

When I have a tough training because I ate too many ginger cookies before coming to class, or I was out late the night before, I sort of slap myself on the wrist, but manage to soldier through. Physical variables I am able to take in stride. Mental ones not so much. We often say things like "the pain is in your head" or "training is all mental" etc. so it goes without saying that those days when you can't mentally commit to training are the hardest.

There were lots of stress factors contributing to my enormous psychological handicap last night, and by the time we had to line up I wasn't sure if coming to class was the best idea. I am pretty sure there was a lot of sloppiness in my moves, but I have really no idea; all my chi was focused in my head and trying to find the mental will to get through class. It was a huge class with amazing chi, but even that wasn't enough to get me through. In the end, I had to keep telling myself that no matter what, this was the hardest class would ever be. And that sort of backwards optimism is what helped me finish.

For all the physical things that have affected my training none have ever been as hard to plow through. I don't know if I got much else out of training than the satisfaction of having gotten through without asking to go home, but that's still something. It's amazing how stress can weigh on us physically. What finally sent me home in a lighter mood was having dinner with all my KF friends and feeling that, maybe the light at the end of my tunnel was not that my next training would be better, but that after my nest "hardest" class (and I know there will be others) there will always be people there to cheer me up afterwards.

"And all your bad days will end."

Yesterday's class was extremely hard. Not because Sifu gave us extra-hard training (though there was some of that too) but I had a really hard time getting there mentally. I try to leave my troubles at the door when I come to train. But I was having a tough time forgetting about my super-awful day. Then, when I started to warm-up, my hips were suddenly in a load of pain. Not soreness. Pain. And I didn't even know why. For the first time ever I seriously entertained the thought of telling Sifu I felt sick and needed to go home. I couldn't see any way I was going to get through class. But I thought, no, I'm here, let's do it. And I turned off my brain.

It was still tough. My brain was off, so I wasn't thinking about any outside stuff, but I also couldn't focus on what I was doing. My chi was at an all time low. Only at the end of basics did my legs start feeling normal. But then after a good stretch at the break I felt rejuvenated and I went into forms with new resolve to focus and push myself. Halfway through forms a thunderstorm broke out of nowhere and it started lightning and pouring down rain. It was a pretty cool way to train and gave everyone an extra burst of adrenaline. (Except Jaka who apparently didn’t notice:))

The last 20 minutes or so Sifu had Richu teach me more of Erluquan and I got all the way to the side kick and then some! I believe this means I'm right before the sweep, and can I say, that is pretty exciting. After class a few of us went out for soup. I hadn't planned on going but I felt like after such an afternoon/evening I wanted to wind down with some friends. I felt so much better by the time I got home last night from when I left work at 5:30. It was hard, but it's good to have those hard days so that you can see how much training helps you mentally as well as physically. I sometimes get so wrapped up in wanting to learn more of my forms that I lose sight of all the things I get out of a class even when I'm not learning a new move. Chi-tastic!