"Please sir, I want some more [water]."

First, Amituofo to Qbertplaya whose cranky knee gave out on her right at the end of class Saturday. I hope it didn't scare her parents too much! In true train-harder style she was smiling and laughing (if limping) by the time she left class. I hope you will be back up and sweeping soon, Qbertplaya!

It was a fun weekend of training these past two classes. But dryyyyyy. No water breaks except for at stretching, and my tongue was sticking to my mouth. I thought both days it would finally be the day I broke down and asked Sifu for water. There was a brief month-or-so-long period where for some reason I got in the bad habit of sneaking drinks while waiting on forms line. I appropriately chastised myself and kicked that rule-breaking, but I've never been able to ask for water. I am not sure why, maybe it's some sort of false pride or something, but I don't want to get water unless I'm told I can. Or maybe it's my way of limiting my water intake since I've only recently learned to control my ill-fated guzzling of 3+ bottles per class. Whatever the reason, it was gratifying to know that I was in fact able to keep going without water. It wasn't the awesomest, but I survived just fine. It's like today when Sifu made us do ceshoufans for the 10th time and I thought "there is no way on earth I will make it down the carpet" and yet I did. I bout buckled at the end, but I made it. Or in the middle of erluquan when I think what I really want to do is just stop at five kicks, but push myself to keep going in spite of panting and aching legs. It's good to know I'm not giving up when something seems too daunting, but pushing myself every day to go a little farther. Will I push myself to ask for a water break? For now I'm maintaining my silence.

Through the mirror of my mind

Sorry it has been a while since I've written a post. It's not like I haven't been training; this has been probably one of my best months in terms of attendance. I've been busy in my non-kung fu life -- some of it meh, a lot it really awesome. I've been doing a lot of reflection during this crucial stage of my training, and to be honest, I didn't feel quite ready to commit any of my thoughts to concrete words.

Yeah, yeah, we know -- testing is just one week away (eek!), and it's been pressing at my mind. I had somewhat convinced myself to be prepared for the possibility that Shifu might not think me ready to test for the 3rd form. On the testing sheets, I have yiluquan next to my name (and yes, I know I oughtn't read into it too much), and it seemed like in the last few weeks, everyone was learning more and more of their form except me. I felt stuck in erluquan purgatory.

I had resigned myself to the likelihood that I could be stuck in Level 1 another six months. But why use the word "stuck?" Another six months of L1 would undoubtedly increase my endurance, make me sharper and faster, and make me more confident in my execution of erluquan. Subsequently, I told myself, fine, you will learn the end of erluquan whenever you do, and in the meanwhile, just kick ass and burn through class with a stronger fire in your heart. Improve what you do know and it will all follow through. And if I get to test erluquan, awesome. Awesome because it means I will have completed yet another milestone of training, and awesome because it means L2 is around the corner...and if not, I will do it when I'm ready, which is also awesome. Because it's not about this one single point in my training; it's about reminding myself that the mere fact that I have committed myself to a beautiful lifetime of kung fu -- the whole shebang -- is the awesomest.

This weekend will be my birthday, and my parents are taking me out on Saturday after training for a special lunch. As a present to me, I asked that they come to the City earlier and come watch class, and observe me and my fellow dorks and all of our super duper chi. I want them to understand the commitment I've made to myself, and I want to show them the amazing things I've learned to do with my body. I want them to see how happy training makes me and the sense of accomplishment I gain each time we sweat buckets.

In the off chance my parents don't show up, I will be a little disappointed, but it won't change how hard I push myself during that class, or any other for that matter. It doesn't matter whether Shifu thinks I'm ready for L2 or not. It doesn't matter in the long run if I pass erluquan this time or not. What matters is that I am honest with myself, and I don't sell myself short, and I train as hard as I can. I will learn whatever I have to learn, even if it takes me a little more time, but as I've done over and over again, from the very first caijiao, I will stick it through, and just friggin' do it.

So, anyway, I finally did finish erluquan last night after trudging through it for exactly seven months to the date! (I started it on February 27th). So happy -- after watching Shifu send another handful of people off to work on forms with others, he finally plucked me out of line to finish and polish erluquan with Richu with 40 minutes left in class. I think it was possibly one of my sweatiest classes ever, and I felt woozy, but so proud. So proud to be sticking it through. And excited to polish it...loads.

And the world will be as one....

We talk a lot about everyone's unique approach to training, the personal experience, and the different things we each take away. But in today's class what struck me was the feeling of everyone training as a whole. Now I don't want to get too meta here, but from the very beginning when we all said "Amituofo" I felt like everyone's voice was part of my voice, and the whole class I felt very connected with everyone there. Not each person individually but the class as a unit. Of course we're always aware of how the chi of the rest of the folks training affects our own, and maybe it was just all of us fighting against the great equalizer of super sweaty humidity, but tonight I felt really aware of our unity. **rainbow** Then in forms I ened up in sync with Heng Mo during 5 kicks, which totally topped off my day. I don't think I've ever done any part of erluquan in sync with someone before.

What I got from this, other than my buddhisty feeling of one-ness with the universe, was that class never ceases to offer me something different. Just when you think you're in a training groove it can totally change on you. Or maybe I was just delirious from the heat and my chi went above my middle dantian and attacked my brain. Either way, great class. And congrats to Ellen for finishing erluquan!!!

Happy Moon Festival

Last night was Chinese Moon Festival (or Mid-Autumn Festival) night when the moon was supposedly biggest and brightest. A bunch of us from the temple went by the water to gaze the moon and eat mooncakes. (How did it go - by the way? I didn't go because of a wicked ache in my belly.)

But I have always been fascinated with mooncakes. Apparently, there are many many versions of the cake. In Thailand, my favourite kind was with durian and lotus seeds filling.

I found this site with pictures of how to mold and make snow-skin mooncakes (the non-baked white skin ones). That solves the mystery of how mooncake skin looks so pretty and delicate!

Look how big the moon was!!! (Thanks Richu.)

Hawaii 5-0

Last night we reached 50 students! It was the biggest class I've been in for I don't know how long. Combined with the weather making one final attempt at summer, it was extra steamy and sweaty in the temple; definitely felt like the tropics. But I don't mind extra sweaty-ness from extra classmates because that always means great chi. I don't know if it's testing bringing people out to train or the large quantity of newer students, but either way it was a fun time. Richu told me about how in L2 on Monday they had to do everything with a smile on their face. This seemed like decent logic to me, and while I couldn't quite make myself grin the whole time, a la Sucheela :-D, I did try to concentrate on the fun I was having as opposed to thinking about being tired or testing or any of the other things occupying my mind. Magically, this made everything seem a lot easier even though I was training just as hard as I could. Adrenaline is awesome that way.

With testing a scant 5 classes away (sorry Qbertplaya but the truth must be known) it was reassuring to know that I’m still capable of having fun in class and am not totally lost in the world of learning forms and thinking about Level 2. Course, the not thinking did lead to some mistakes. In the middle of erluquan I started doing chuji quantao (stupid pubus) So I definitely need to address the line between over thinking and relying on muscle memory. But because I was having fun, I didn't get angry at myself, I just started over. Hopefully it just doesn't happen during testing!

I went to class expecting to sort of grind out my stress by sweating and training until I wanted to pass out, but instead found my release through enjoying class and realizing how much fun it is just to play kung fu with my Shaolin brothers, who, incidentally, have been most awesome this past week. Amituofo everyone, I can't wait to test with you guys!

Get your kicks....

Over the weekend some most excellent KF folks got me out of the city to destress and distract me. Not an awful lot of training occurred, but lots of playing did. At one point Richu told me to try and caijiao a tree branch that was hanging over our bench. From sitting it looked a little high, but once I stood up and gave it a try I realized it was not as high as it seemed, or my legs are even longer than I realized. It was an interesting sensation though, kicking at a target (occasional caijiao-ing of mosquitoes doesn't count). Mostly in class I just kick as hard as I can and hope for the best, and really have little concept of where my kicks are landing or how high they're going. Now I don't want to have to kick anyone in real life, and I'm staunchly opposed to tree-abuse in general, but I must say, it was pretty gratifying to caijaio that little leaf, however feebly. Can't wait for L2 and kicking pads and such.