Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Pondering Caijiao

For the first time Shifu had me teach Caijiao today. I took it as a compliment and an ultimate validation of my training progress. Think about it. This was the awesomest Heng Li's job. And for one class, I got to do it.

Although I don't think I was as good a teacher as he had been, I'm still feeling giddy.

Watching my two brand new students kept trying, I was reminded of how my Caijiao must have looked like when I first started. And I found a new appreciation for my training progress.


But now thinking about it while writing this post, I start to doubt myself. Why do I need any validation from Shifu to appreciate my own progress? Why couldn't I realize that for myself? I mean I train hard and I like training. Why can't that be enough?

OK. I guess it was enough. I am happy with my chi. Outside confirmation is good. But the only real confirmation is from myself.

This is difficult.

I guess I'll just train harder and stop thinking. For now.