Friday, September 7, 2007

Stress test

Whenever I'm training, I always tell myself that no matter what, this is the hardest class will ever be, because I will always be a little bit stronger every time. Of course that's not true and doesn't take into account factors such as food, sleep, who's teaching, the weather and many other things that affect how one feels while training. But still, that little lie sometimes helps me get myself to class when I'm not feeling the chi.

When I have a tough training because I ate too many ginger cookies before coming to class, or I was out late the night before, I sort of slap myself on the wrist, but manage to soldier through. Physical variables I am able to take in stride. Mental ones not so much. We often say things like "the pain is in your head" or "training is all mental" etc. so it goes without saying that those days when you can't mentally commit to training are the hardest.

There were lots of stress factors contributing to my enormous psychological handicap last night, and by the time we had to line up I wasn't sure if coming to class was the best idea. I am pretty sure there was a lot of sloppiness in my moves, but I have really no idea; all my chi was focused in my head and trying to find the mental will to get through class. It was a huge class with amazing chi, but even that wasn't enough to get me through. In the end, I had to keep telling myself that no matter what, this was the hardest class would ever be. And that sort of backwards optimism is what helped me finish.

For all the physical things that have affected my training none have ever been as hard to plow through. I don't know if I got much else out of training than the satisfaction of having gotten through without asking to go home, but that's still something. It's amazing how stress can weigh on us physically. What finally sent me home in a lighter mood was having dinner with all my KF friends and feeling that, maybe the light at the end of my tunnel was not that my next training would be better, but that after my nest "hardest" class (and I know there will be others) there will always be people there to cheer me up afterwards.

1 comment:

  1. quan tuo & i were talking last night that you were looking really good on the floor during forms. you definitely had CHI! i am glad you came out to eat. there is something about us all sitting & eating together that rounds out the training, no matter how it was for it is different everytime for me too, in a much better light!