It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.

Last night, for once, I didn't get to training 50 minutes early. (I'm such a bad judge of commute time, and I dread being late.) So yesterday I actually got there the same time as other people. Walking up the stairs with EZ he mentioned how he still gets butterflies before every class. I was so surprised! I thought it was just me! I don't know if I'm nervous, excited, or just full of chi, but my stomach is always doing back flips before training. It's nice to know I'm not alone with the jitters. But I wonder why I still get them; I'm about to hit the one year mark. I'm not nervous per se. At least I can't identify what I'm nervous about. I want to do well, but I'm not afraid of doing something wrong; I'm not afraid of getting yelled at. It happens. But there's definite tension in the ol' abdomen. Then I realized how many other unconscious manifestations of tension I have.

Like other people, I have the bad habit of holding my breath as I go down the line. (I used to do this when I played volleyball too. Strange.) It's amazing how much easier basics become when you remember to use the lungs god gave you. I also have an unholy amount of tension in my shoulders that I can't seem to escape. Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and I look like I have no neck. Even when I'm doing my best to extend my shoulders are tagging my earlobes. Relax those muscles! And of course the more I tried to think about this during class yesterday, the harder it was to breathe and relax. It seems if I'm not unconsciously tense then I'm over-thinking. My own mind and body conspire against me! But in the end, I'll keep the nervousness or whatever it is. At least it means I'm not bored. And adrenaline never hurts the chi!

Celebrate good times, come on!

I'm supposed to be unpacking right now... but I have to share how wonderful it was to start a class with no pain/soreness in my hips, or anywhere for that matter. Maybe because I had to miss Sunday training to move, my body got extra rest. Though I was just there Saturday... and I was moving things up four flights of stairs all Sunday...hmmm... can't be the rest.....Either way, I didn't have to do half an hour of semi-uncomfortable warm ups just to get things moving. All the stars were aligned tonight: I wasn't hungry, I was hydrated, I was pain-free, and I wasn't tired. And with a chi-filled class of 40 it was time to rock n roll.

Everything was easy (funny to be able to say that when I still spent the whole time breathing heavy and sweating like.. I don't know... something sweaty...) But I wasn't nearly as short of breath as usual (partly in thanks to long lines) and my muscles weren't crying and my joints weren't aching - Wow I sure make kung fu sound fun -Seriously though, I half wondered if I was being lazy or something in my basics without knowing it, because I felt so loose and so not-exhausted. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Have I broken some beginner's barrier as I approach my one year mark? Or was it just a good day? Whatever the cause I hope it keeps happening; I was so close to trying the Erluquan sweep on my own. But having already started practicing it at home, I can fairly say I don't think all my chi could have made it look less disasterous. I did, however, get my calves onto the floor during my straddle stretch, which actually might mean I'm hyperextending at the knees, but baby I was down there. Now if only I could harness my chi into unpacking some boxes.....

Pattycake, pattycake!

Always an adventure when Chi'eh teaches, he led today's small class in his usual creative way. After we had done fanyao for one length of the carpet, he asked people how many they were able to do. He then asked us to do the same number of turns, but for the space between two dragon columns! Talk about efficiency! We also worked on doing tenkong holiatui also between two columns. He wanted us to accelerate and jump quickly, rather than waste all the effort of running and then jumping.

A fun exercise we did -- we partnered up and faced each other for pushups and then situps. While in the "up" position, we had to slap our partner's hand, much like playing a game of pattycake. And we mixed it up by raising our arms higher and wider.

And would it be a Chi'eh class without handstands, crabwalks and hot potato? So awesome!

Sleeping Style Saturday

So today was interesting; Sifu had us run. I've never done that before. But during tenkong fanyao I guess we weren't getting out of the way fast enough, so he made us run around the temple a couple of times. Then we did tengkong fanyao, still weren't running out of the way at the end, and ran around the temple several more times. I guess some of us just didn't get it, because we repeated this at least four times. Tengkong fanyao: "get out of the way faster!" Then: "Run!" Finally we were moving at a speed he liked and got to move on to yangshen yunshou... (if one considers that a reward. If you're like me, that's the one you always kind of hope he'll forget about..... ) It was a good reminder to get the heck out of the way once you finish a movement. Sometimes you don't make it all the way to the end of the carpet (more chi!) but no matter where you stop, you need to hurry to get back in line.

Stretching today, Heng De was looking for some help with his straddle. I was reluctant because last night at dinner Branden had mentioned that De needs really strong people pulling his legs and then he can stretch a lot farther. That's not me. Between the sweaty grip and the tired arms I was pretty ineffectual. So on the second round I traded with Leo who was stretching with a different group so that De could have strong dudes pulling him into his stretch. I looked like he got a lot further; I should have just done that in the first place. Meanwhile I went and stretched with Chan, Esther (yay she's back), and the other Hannah. And I had another training first. I was getting down there pretty easy, trying to relax, and my hip cracked and felt like it just popped out. And not in a very comfortable way. I sort of torque-d it back in and tried again with a slightly different posture but it happened again. I don't know if it was a tendon popping around or what, but I decided that was enough, even though Chan said it was probably a good thing that stuff is popping around. I am getting much more interested in my flexibility, or lack thereof, rather than my power. If I want to get my pubus lower I might have to just give in to the popping on all my stretches.

Holy-xuanzi, Batman!

Last night walking from Thai Son to the subway, Heng De mentioned to Richu the fact that he (Richu) was always swearing under his breath during training. I can vouch for this as I am often behind him in line and I frequently hear a murmured curse word at the end of a basic. The funny thing was that he didn't even know that he was doing it; it's just a subconscious ejaculation from exerting himself. I think that one of the temple rules is no swearing, I'm not sure, but either way we all agreed that, though unintentional, it was probably not the most chi-positive tendency. With several younger siblings, and a penchant for swearing like a @#%$-ing sailor, I am well acquainted with the difficult task of quitting the cursing. So Richu's new charge is to say the names of moves in the place of profanity to break the habit. I think 'xuanzi' is a good one myself. And Richu said he'll pay you a dollar if you ever hear him swear in class again.

This made me wonder, how many other things do we do when training that we aren't aware of? I try to be aware of my body; I have lots of superfluous physical ticks I am trying to lose, running my hands through my hair or rubbing my eyes , stretching my neck etc. And I know we all unconsciously make some pretty funny faces when we train. But as far as vocalizations, sighs, groans, cursing, I really have no idea. I think mostly this is harmless stuff that doesn't matter one way or another. But I am going to start paying more attention to what I'm saying during class and make sure that there aren't too many discontented moans and definitely no swearing as I go down the line. So many things to think about! Who knew?

Summertiiiime...and the stretching is easy.....

Tonight was the biggest class I've been in for a long while. 44 people! The long lines were especially welcome today because it was H-O-T. It was my first really hot training of the summer and it was more than a little- well, ok, it was totally freaking exhausting. I was sweating buckets. I opted to risk throwing up from guzzling water because I figured if I didn't I would end up throwing up from dehydration/overheating. Well, ok, not that much, but I definitely can't wait until I reacclimate to training in the summer and the hazy/wooziness goes away. It was still a great night. Lots of people. Lots of chi. Lots of slippery floor.... Did I mention it was hot? But-

Summer training means warmer muscles means further stretching and less soreness! Hooray! Even though I have to relent and buy a new cotton uniform - I love my airwick ones but I'm poor these days and can't keep trying to keep the same two clean for every class- I am really excited out the super sweaty heat wave that's coming. Maybe that straddle split isn't too far off! Of course, as I was warned with Bikram yoga, (which, if you're wondering, I haven't gotten around to trying yet) I can't let the heat fool me into over-stretching. There's still the potential for injury if I'm not conscientous. Even so, I am very happy; because in addition to further stretching ...wait for it... I'm not sore right now! Even after sitting through soup and the train ride home. I'm not tightened up or stiff or anything. It's such a beautiful thing! I had pretty much reconciled myself to being in a perpetual state of tight muscles unless I just did a good half hour of stretching. No longer. Summer is my friend! Now if I can remember to bring a towel for after class we'll be in business.....

Cross-Training

There's something about the beautiful weather that makes me want to get out of the apartment and do as much as I can possibly cram into the weekend, especially activities that are high chi. I hate the idea of sitting around in my apartment like a slug, wasting away the sun and the warmth.

Saturday, after a four hour seminar, I went with a friend to McCarren Park in Brooklyn and played some vigorous badminton and frisbee for a few hours.

Sunday morning, I made it to Temple for a small class of less than twenty. Shifu worked us really hard -- making us hold the last position in yiluquan for an eternity. And both sides! I also got some love from him when we were practicing forms, and he and Heng Mo corrected the last bit of erluquan that I've been working on for the past month and a half.

Then Sunday night, I met up with my dude for a swing dance with live music by Billy and the Blue Vipers. I was concerned that after the rough morning of kung fu that my legs would be spent for the dance, but surprisingly, I had loads of chi. I might have sucked at all the twirling around and stuff, but for the most part, I just focused on the fun and didn't worry about looking like an idiot -- I think a lot of that lack of worry had to do with how we carry ourselves during training.

I had an opportunity to play a softball game in Central Park on Sunday afternoon; I opted against it so I could be refreshed and showered for the dance in the evening. I wonder how I'd feel if I had just done it!

How much of the pain is real?

The 'old guard' (those kf brothers who started around the same time or before me) has seemingly began to disappear from training. My brothers are stopping/ taking time off/ moving out of town/ busy in their personal lives/ busy in their professional lives... and so many other reasons. I am wondering if one of the reasons is standing out more and more. Is it that we are hitting a mental barrier? All of us that train know that we must "stretch our bodies and stretch our minds." Each day at training we do our best to contort our bodies in ways we never imagined and with that contortion comes discomfort, pain and sometimes injury.

One part of 'training harder' for anything we do in our kf life and out... is persist. We all have good days and bad days. Days when it is easier to motivate to get to the temple. Days when it is easier to train harder. What happens when motivation continues to go from poor to non-existent? Recently I have found that training has included a significant amount of pain (turf toe, pulled hamstring, etc.) Training is always a challenge and becomes even more of a challenge when your thoughts before class are...'I am in pain now maybe I could use some more time to heal'.

When I first started training I pulled both of my hamstrings. The backs of my legs were black and blue for weeks. I asked shifu about it and he said "it is natural keep training". I was super motivated at the time and continued to train. He was right it is possible to train through the pain. The mind was able to overcome the body. For those of us who have been training for a while we have become much more familiar with our bodies. We have a fairly clear understanding of what is pain and what is an injury. What happens if you get stuck in the 'time to heal' rut? How much of it is mental and how much is only pain?

Training has shown me that muscle pains come and go. When I have a serious injury then it is advisable to take time off. For myself when it is hard to motivate to get to the temple, I have had to take a step back and ask how much of the pain is mental. How many people talk themselves out of training because of the 'pain'?

It is my hope that most people that no longer train did not stop coming because of mental barriers, but have gone beyond so many barriers that train harder pervades their lives. I still have so much to learn that all I can do is 'train harder'.

Practice with care!

Today's lesson is: don't do kung fu in public areas. Last week I accidentally kicked a gentleman's bag on the subway platform while doing an explanatory gesture of a waibaitui. He picked it up and moved, giving me look that made me feel crazy on top of sheepish. Then today, I made an observation to Heng Ji about a level two jump. She proceeded to explain the introductory arm movement then accidentally hit the woman walking behind her in the face! Not hard or anything, just a sort of halfway gesture with her arm. But no one wants to find someone's hand in their face as they innocently walk down Grand St. and the woman was understandable shocked and upset.

Poor Ji! She felt so bad! We were all horrified and apologized profusely, but the woman (who admittedly received the unpleasant shock of being caught in the face by Ji's hand) got exponentially angrier at us as we apologized over and over, then finally decided to accuse us of being drunk and left saying she was going to call the cops. Yikes!

I've accidentally hit people when over-gesticulating on the subway or turning around too fast in a store or something; accidents happen, whether kung fu related or not. Even so, I am fairly cured of ever, EVER even halfway doing a kung fu move outside of temple or my house! I'm curious, has anything like this ever happened to anyone else?

"And all your bad days will end."

Yesterday's class was extremely hard. Not because Sifu gave us extra-hard training (though there was some of that too) but I had a really hard time getting there mentally. I try to leave my troubles at the door when I come to train. But I was having a tough time forgetting about my super-awful day. Then, when I started to warm-up, my hips were suddenly in a load of pain. Not soreness. Pain. And I didn't even know why. For the first time ever I seriously entertained the thought of telling Sifu I felt sick and needed to go home. I couldn't see any way I was going to get through class. But I thought, no, I'm here, let's do it. And I turned off my brain.

It was still tough. My brain was off, so I wasn't thinking about any outside stuff, but I also couldn't focus on what I was doing. My chi was at an all time low. Only at the end of basics did my legs start feeling normal. But then after a good stretch at the break I felt rejuvenated and I went into forms with new resolve to focus and push myself. Halfway through forms a thunderstorm broke out of nowhere and it started lightning and pouring down rain. It was a pretty cool way to train and gave everyone an extra burst of adrenaline. (Except Jaka who apparently didn’t notice:))

The last 20 minutes or so Sifu had Richu teach me more of Erluquan and I got all the way to the side kick and then some! I believe this means I'm right before the sweep, and can I say, that is pretty exciting. After class a few of us went out for soup. I hadn't planned on going but I felt like after such an afternoon/evening I wanted to wind down with some friends. I felt so much better by the time I got home last night from when I left work at 5:30. It was hard, but it's good to have those hard days so that you can see how much training helps you mentally as well as physically. I sometimes get so wrapped up in wanting to learn more of my forms that I lose sight of all the things I get out of a class even when I'm not learning a new move. Chi-tastic!