Friday, July 6, 2007

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.

Last night, for once, I didn't get to training 50 minutes early. (I'm such a bad judge of commute time, and I dread being late.) So yesterday I actually got there the same time as other people. Walking up the stairs with EZ he mentioned how he still gets butterflies before every class. I was so surprised! I thought it was just me! I don't know if I'm nervous, excited, or just full of chi, but my stomach is always doing back flips before training. It's nice to know I'm not alone with the jitters. But I wonder why I still get them; I'm about to hit the one year mark. I'm not nervous per se. At least I can't identify what I'm nervous about. I want to do well, but I'm not afraid of doing something wrong; I'm not afraid of getting yelled at. It happens. But there's definite tension in the ol' abdomen. Then I realized how many other unconscious manifestations of tension I have.

Like other people, I have the bad habit of holding my breath as I go down the line. (I used to do this when I played volleyball too. Strange.) It's amazing how much easier basics become when you remember to use the lungs god gave you. I also have an unholy amount of tension in my shoulders that I can't seem to escape. Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and I look like I have no neck. Even when I'm doing my best to extend my shoulders are tagging my earlobes. Relax those muscles! And of course the more I tried to think about this during class yesterday, the harder it was to breathe and relax. It seems if I'm not unconsciously tense then I'm over-thinking. My own mind and body conspire against me! But in the end, I'll keep the nervousness or whatever it is. At least it means I'm not bored. And adrenaline never hurts the chi!


  1. we all carry our nerves somewhere & sometimes in multiple places. i still get that tummy ache before training too! everything lives in my tummy though! breathing will help you relax & release those shoulders & i too hold my breath & have to remind myself: breathe!

  2. i definitely have the same nervous feeling, especially when i've missed a class or two beforehand. sometimes i feel like i have to pee every 20 minutes. that's why i like yelling more chi, etc. -- to alleviate the overthinking or undercurrent of anxiety. it's a great release for me.

  3. I was thinking the exact same thing when I was walking up the stairs to the temple today. I too always feel nervous right before class starts.

    For me, I feel it's fear generated from my mind. My mind knows that for the next 1.5/2 hours, I am shutting the mind down and just going to be competely in the moment, understand myself, without thought, and stretch my body to the limits. Action Meditation as Shifu calls it. I wonder if any of the zen buddhists right before they practice zazen (sitting meditation) that they also feel the same butterflies and/or fears.
    They probably do too.

    For me, my mind has a deep resistance to being quiet. So for me to shut that part down, perhaps creats these fears. I dunno. We could ask Shifu, but I already know the answer. "Don't think!! Just do it!!!"

  4. It's interesting that you make that point of feeling nervous before training since I've many times had butterflies in my stomach before training. Awesome!

  5. I don't get nervous but there is definitely an adrenaline rush once Shifu says "Line up!"

  6. I don't get nervous.



    I lied.

    I was really scared yesterday to the point that I couldn't sleep and thought of bailing. If it's not for that I told Ellen the day before I would go training with her, ....

  7. hahaha...and if i hadn't told sucheela that i'd call and make sure she was up, i would have thought twice about going as well!

    well, we went, so that's what matters!