PUSH!!!

As I mentioned recently, testing is October 6th-7th, and time is a-ticking. So I am inching my way forth in erluquan, a good number of moves past five kicks now, and some tell me I am oh-so-close to completing it. I have avoided focusing on the end, preferring to work on what I'm being taught at that present moment. But as the days draw closer, I am forced to ponder it some more because it is becoming more apparent that I'm really not that far. It is do-able...right?

Part of my reluctance to look too far forward is a desire to learn it right, meaning, waiting patiently for someone to teach me during class, in Temple. The natural progression of things. But that also means sometimes going through an entire two hour session without learning something new in erluquan if I'm not called upon to work with someone. So, I've found myself trying to study the folks ahead of me as they do erluquan, hoping to pick up the next move or two. I am not confident in my ability to 'fake' my way through, however.

So, is it cheating when I ask someone outside of class for a pointer or two in refining what I've picked up myself? Am I breaking the rules, specifically, #16, which states that we ought not ask other students to teach us? (Although, a loophole would suggest that these are rules of conduct during class, thereby making anything outside of class okay -- I'm such a lawyer!) Or, is that part of the game too -- using my own eyes and brain and body, and pushing myself to learn versus just being passive and waiting?

I am conflicted. My primary goal is to learn erluquan correctly, and it should be done regardless of whatever deadline is looming in the future. But, such a deadline can be useful if it serves as the impetus for me pushing myself to train harder. And it's not about being competitive with others, but with myself.

In tossing this all about my head I am also wondering if my hesitation is due to a fear of failure. If I don't push myself to complete erluquan, I therefore will not be able to test for it and will therefore fall back onto another six months of Level 1 training. While another six months of training would do a body good, I don't want to think that I'm somehow tricking myself into forgoing this opportunity to advance by being complacent -- by hiding behind the idea that whatever happens, happens.

Instead, this is how I think I'm gonna approach the upcoming weeks: no matter what, I want to learn erluquan because it's been long enough, dammit. I can totally do it, and I will (I hope). And I'm not gonna give up on executing it as well as possible. Even if I don't have the entire sequence of moves down, I don't have to forget about being crisp and sharp. Whether I pass or fail is irrelevant to my desire to push myself and train harder in attaining the end of erluquan. But I will do it, to give myself a chance.

As I lay me down to sleep...

I've been thinking a lot the past few days about why I train. As this blog has established, training makes me very happy. Usually, I'm not one to question happiness, I'll take what I get, but it's curious that something that can hurt so much, that can be so challenging and exhausting keeps bringing me back. I love everyone at temple, of course, but what it really comes down to is how I feel during class and how it makes me feel outside of the temple. There's the obvious: I feel in shape, I feel strong, I can eat all the cupcakes I want without (too much) guilt. While I'm in class what I feel is hot and tired. But those things are all the surface aspects of training. What makes me happy are the things training churns around underneath. All the things we're asked to do, train harder, be honest, push yourself, and so forth, have done a lot to get me to understand myself better, and though in class I am panting and dreaming of lemonade, underneath I'm thinking about challenging and mastering myself and so forth, and that has turned out to help me in and out of temple.

I know it's different for everyone, but to me, training is about seeing yourself very clearly; you're forced to be honest, whether learning something surprising about yourself or seeing things you already knew but can't always admit. In my case it's knowing when I'm cutting corners, knowing when I am focusing on the wrong goals, being too competitive, being unfocused, and being impatient. But also understanding when I'm happy and what things actually matter to me. I focus on those things as I train, and now I'm better able to identify them in my daily life as well. It's not about "finding yourself" in the after-school-special sense. It's taking the self you have and, as Niederwelt has said, clearing away all the b.s. and understanding what you've got left. I know that's not a new concept or anything, just tonight I guess it really struck me, with testing coming up, and me trying to focus on all the little problems in all my moves and forms, and consequently doing so at work and at home. Coming to the realization that, while you don't always learn the things you expect or want to know, you end up learning the things you need to know. So for now, I guess that's why I train and why I keep coming back for more. That and the cupcakes...

Heng Ji's Post Shaolin Retreat Wrap-up

Amituofo! Heng Ji has so graciously decided to share her experiences this past weekend at the retreat with us via a guest entry!

I sit here smiling, trying to stretch out my left hip, my right shoulder blade, my shins, wrist and neck, all of which are aching in response to the first of what I hope will be many Shaolin weekend retreats. Already, I am happily mentally preparing my bags for the next one.

The ten t-shirts and three uniforms I felt would be more than plenty proved to be woefully insufficient by mid-day Sunday when I was already down to two t-shirts and had lunch, another kung fu class, a Buddhism class and a certificate ceremony to go. For lunch I ended up wearing my bikini top under my night shirt, and for the rest of the day, a tank top under my sweaty uniform top.

For the next trip, I will add sixteen tops, six pairs of socks and two different types of training shoes. I will require alcohol swabs, Aleve, band-aids and a flashlight. I will leave the alarm clock, books, iPod and cell phone at home.

As everyone experiences things differently and lessons are learned as they are needed, I will share some I have discovered/rediscovered this weekend:

Lessons Learned:

(1) Shaolin Time is not subject to 9,192,631,770 oscillations of cesium atom's resonant frequency (thank you, Shifu).

(2) Shaolin Time should not be limited to only Shaolin experiences.

(3) Honor the gifts which Shifu offers us by reviewing and living those daily (thank you, Shifu).

(4) Practicing five chi kung movements for five minutes in the morning is roughly equivalent to ten minutes of weight training.

(5) Stopping for cupcakes should be part of the outing (thank you, Heng De).

(6) Creating personal challenges while training helps you experience it in a different way (thank you, Heng Han)...

(7) ...as does focusing on keeping a foot grounded while holding stances during forms (thank you, Heng Wei).

(8) GPS systems rock (thank you, Richu).

(9) Talking to your friends are beautiful meditations and can guide you to answer questions you didn’t realize you had (thank you, Heng Jian, Heng Shang, Heng Li, Heng Fa and Janice).

Goals:

(1) To work on my strength by practicing five Chi kung movements twice a day.

(2) To be able to take a few steps on my hands by the end of year.

(3) To work toward getting at least 6 hours of sleep per night.

The Yin and Yang of Training

This weekend's training for me represented an exercise in night and day. I had slept very little both Thursday and Friday nights, so hauling my ass to class on Saturday was a challenge in itself. When I got there, it was a ghost town -- mostly due to the retreat. By the time class started, only 13 of us lined up, led by Xu. And boy, it was rough -- the group was mostly comprised of students less experienced than me, so I ended up second in line after Shen! When we settled into the latter half of class for forms, pretty much only me, Shen, Zheng and Mo were rotating through for the hour, taking our time in hopes of catching our breath. Yikes!

Sunday was a nice contrast -- first of all, I managed to get 8 hours of sleep, so that did my body good. And more people attended -- 20 or so, and I'd say at least 2/3s were more or less in the same boat as me, plugging away at erluquan. (Btw, congrats to Sucheela for finishing erluquan, and to Niederwelt for beginning!) With the larger group, we were better able to appreciate everyone's progress, like watching Leo improve his sweep kick dramatically. And, happily, Xu worked with just about everyone, so I pushed forth a little bit more in my march towards completion. Just ask the witnesses at the Bowling Green station who might have seen a sweaty chick with her iPod on acting spastically on the platform around 3pm yesterday afternoon!

I keep going and going and going.....

As per my last post, there are lots of external factors contributing to how difficult/easy a training session feels. And even though I know I'm stronger, have more endurance, and can train harder than when I began, I still find myself panting and dripping sweat at the end of every class. Don't get me wrong, it's a great feeling, and I know it's a result of pushing myself and not relaxing into a comfort zone, but it does sometimes make it hard to be aware of my progress. Yesterday was no exception, but later that evening, after eating, going with some folks to watch the Blue Vipers for a bit, meeting up with a friend, going grocery shopping, and then going home and cleaning my apartment and working, I realized I NEVER could have done all that when I started.

In the beginning, class left me comfortably wiped of all thought and all energy; whether I got to got to the park or I had to go to work afterwards, I spent the remainder of the day in an exhausted haze. In the mornings I rarely did anything. If I wasn't sleeping then I was lying very still on the sofa, reading and conserving my energy. Now I can wake up, run an errand or do some chores and then go train and have plenty of energy left to not waste the rest of my day. Or on a weekday, get through 8 hours of work then jump on the train for class. Usually around 11pm I get a second wind and want to go out and work on whatever it is I worked on in class that day. On days when I don't train I'm able to get much more accomplished before curling up in my bed. This lets me know, that while I'm never going to make it through a class sweat-free with no shortness of breath (and what would be the point?) I am getting stronger. Heck, right now I'm up two hours early making cinnamon rolls. Hopefully that energy and endurance will also help me make it from one end of erluquan to the other.

Stress test

Whenever I'm training, I always tell myself that no matter what, this is the hardest class will ever be, because I will always be a little bit stronger every time. Of course that's not true and doesn't take into account factors such as food, sleep, who's teaching, the weather and many other things that affect how one feels while training. But still, that little lie sometimes helps me get myself to class when I'm not feeling the chi.

When I have a tough training because I ate too many ginger cookies before coming to class, or I was out late the night before, I sort of slap myself on the wrist, but manage to soldier through. Physical variables I am able to take in stride. Mental ones not so much. We often say things like "the pain is in your head" or "training is all mental" etc. so it goes without saying that those days when you can't mentally commit to training are the hardest.

There were lots of stress factors contributing to my enormous psychological handicap last night, and by the time we had to line up I wasn't sure if coming to class was the best idea. I am pretty sure there was a lot of sloppiness in my moves, but I have really no idea; all my chi was focused in my head and trying to find the mental will to get through class. It was a huge class with amazing chi, but even that wasn't enough to get me through. In the end, I had to keep telling myself that no matter what, this was the hardest class would ever be. And that sort of backwards optimism is what helped me finish.

For all the physical things that have affected my training none have ever been as hard to plow through. I don't know if I got much else out of training than the satisfaction of having gotten through without asking to go home, but that's still something. It's amazing how stress can weigh on us physically. What finally sent me home in a lighter mood was having dinner with all my KF friends and feeling that, maybe the light at the end of my tunnel was not that my next training would be better, but that after my nest "hardest" class (and I know there will be others) there will always be people there to cheer me up afterwards.

Breaking it down

So folks, testing is around the corner -- some speculate it might be the weekend of October 6th-7th, which means just about a month away. Eeek!

There are a good clump of us in erluquan purgatory right now -- I myself just finished the dreaded five kicks very recently, and have been trudging forth, trying to make training whenever I can, sneaking a peak at Hannah and Sucheela and the others ahead of me for a preview of what's to come.

Some days, I wonder if I will indeed be able to finish erluquan in time for testing and therefore test for the third form, thereby giving myself an opportunity to move to Level 2.

I know historically, there is usually a mad rush in the weeks leading up to testing to cram as much learning as possible into those on the cusp. Luckily, for the past two testings, I didn't feel rushed. I had learned chujiquantao and then yiluquan respectively well in advance of testing, so by the time the actual testing date came around, I was still nervous, but could still rely on muscle memory to carry me through to victory!

This time, though, should I manage to finish the remaining moves in erluquan in time, I won't be testing for it in a totally rehearsed fashion. Erluquan is such a long form -- so much to remember! But, according to Richu, I only have about 21 moves left. If you break it down, that's less than a move a day -- so it should be totally do-able, and I'll still have a week or so to brush it up. I hope.

The concept of breaking it down is so important! If you had said to me over 20 months ago, Hey 'Playa, you gon' be sweatin' up a storm and doin' all kinds of mad shit 3-4 times a week, and jumpin' and kickin' and stuff, and enjoying it, I would said you must have gone and lost yo mind. But from the start, from the day we learn our first caijiao, from when Heng Li says, okay, stick your foot out light as a feather, you realize you don't focus on kicking the ceiling lights. You break it down and do it bit by bit. And you crawl through the basics little by little, like Shaolin babies striving for more. And then some. Bottom line, you learn that just about nothing is insurmountable if you break it down into baby steps and don't let the whole shebang overwhelm you and defeat you even before trying.

So, in the meanwhile, I will train as hard as I can. I will push myself to go both Saturdays and Sundays. I will try to be more efficient at work to avoid being stuck at the office (although writing this post right now is probably counter-productive). I will not overthink it. And even if I end up sticking it out in Level 1 another six months, so be it cos I will use that time and make myself tougher than I ever dreamed before. 'Cos I got all the time in the world!

You know you're a Kung Fu Dork when....

Inspired by Qbertplaya's discovery of a geek hierarchy chart, she and Richu began creating a list for us kung fu dorks (or geeks or nerds). Ji and I pitched in as well, and we came up with so many that I don't have the mental ability organize them into a pretty chart, but here's what we got. Please add on in the comments.

...you train both Level 1 and Level 2 classes in a single day.
...you have your own staff.
...you own a staff but don't know a staff form.
...you scour YouTube for examples of kung fu.
...you eat #1 soup all the time.
...you create kung fu blogs.
...you contribute to kung fu blogs.
...you hold onto worn feiyues like trophies.
...you've actually read (and not just skimmed through) Shifu's book.
...you turn down social activities to train.
...your social activities involve training!
...you bring feiyues to the Hamptons.
...you have gone on a kung fu retreat.
...you have gone on a kung fu retreat in another country.
...you bring extra uniforms instead of regular clothes.
...you video record yourself doing kung fu.
...you video record others doing kung fu.
...you order your feiyues online and in bulk because you go through them so fast.
...you have a kung fu pose as buddy icon.
...you use "train harder" to refer to multiple aspects of life.
...you shave your head to be cooler (temperature-wise) while training.
...you own multiple New Temple New Life uniforms.
...you train three or more days in a row.
...you take gymnastics for "fun."
...you have ideas for kung fu t-shirt designs.
...you've slept at Temple.
...you sleep in the meditation room specifically.
...you have brought multiple guests to watch classes.
...you have gotten multiple people to try a class.
...you come to movie nights (and bring friends).
...you have a kung fu movie library.

...you've printed out and scotch taped the Temple Rules somewhere in your apartment.
...you talk about kung fu all day long.
...your IM list is made up of more than 50% Temple people.
...you only date people who train, or who have at least studied some kind of martial arts so they can hopefully understand your addiction to training.

...you give those who you date extra points depending on what kind of martial arts.

...you get excited at having a long weekend due to a holiday -- train harder!

...you consider using your vacation time so you can go to class more.
...you sit at work counting the minutes till class.

...you pester friends to go train.
...you make Level 2 on your very first testing.

...you do kung fu in the bathroom, elevator or hallway, or on a subway platform.

...you've made someone fall asleep by talking incessantly about kung fu.

...you've worn your uniform on the subway.

...you've done some kung fu as a party trick.

...you specifically seek out food that has more tendon.

...you introduce yourself to people outside of Temple using both your street name and your disciple name.

...you learn pinyin and tones so you can pronounce the names of the basics and forms properly.
...you answer the phone with "Amituofo" when a Temple friend is calling.

...you answer the phone with "Amituofo" when your mom is calling.

...you schedule your classes/work around training times.

...you've invested in some super strong laundry detergent for your uniforms. (Stinky winky!)

...you own a leg stretcher.

...your idea of training gear includes plastic bags.

...you bought a backpack based on it having a handy place to store feyiues.

...you started eating meat again.

...you think bald is BEAUTIFUL.

...you come up with categories for a kung fu dorks hierarchy.

Food

We need new ideas for food after training....

As long as I can remember we've been eating at:

• Thai Son - 450 times a month


• Li Hua - once a month


• Nyo Nya - 0.5 time a month


• Jaya - 0.2 time a month


• Occasional brunch places in Tribeca - 0.1 time a month

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE eating at Thai Son. Lovely waiters. Fast and friendly service. Delicious food (especially extra bean sprouts) and cheap!

But sometimes life needs variations, creativity.... and ummm more money?

How about we go here next time? :P

Ummmm.....Ohmmmmm....?

After a great class Saturday, (and my first number 1 soup!) Ji, Richu, Shen and I went and took a yoga class up on Astor Place. It was a lot of fun and felt great after training harder at temple. Though I think it was a low impact class by yoga standards, it definitely still took a lot of chi; I was sweating buckets by the end and sliding all over my mat. Today, (in a class of 15!!) my arms were feeling fairly sore; all those downward-facing dogs from yoga were talking to me through my shoulders. I've always felt like they don't get the same workout in training as my legs do, and I'm in an eternal debate over/search for the perfect cross training for me. If I had the time/money/energy, I'd do it all: gymnastics, yoga, chi kung, join the gym, cycle, and do some mixed martial arts on the side. But obviously that's not going to happen, so I want to find the right fit. Yoga seems like a strong contender. I'm always looking for flexibility and it still works on strengthening as well. I think I'll start trying other classes at various studios to see if I find a winner.

Today after class Heng Nai showed up so he, Billy, Rob, Ji, a new visiting student named Adrian, and I went out for food. Adrian is from L.A. and here on business. He talked to Ji on the phone yesterday and at her recommendation, after he flew in this morning, he came and trained before even checking into his lodgings! That's chi! So we had a really interesting conversation about the different kinds of training Adrian's done, what Nai is doing out in California, Billy talking about how he's started chi kung, and a lot of discussion about cross training and the different ways to go about it. The general consensus was that cross training is important not only for improving your kung fu but maintaining the health of your body. The intensity of our training is pretty high-impact on our bodies, especially Level 2, and it's good to balance that with something more restrained to help strenthen your body without stressing it. So maybe yoga would be a better for that than gymnastics. But as Adrian also pointed out, when we were comparing the differences in his forms and ours, kung fu is like a person's handwriting; just as everyone's writing is different, there are also equally unique methods of training that suit each individual. There's no ultimate perfect form or best way to train; there's what you find works for you. So I'll keep looking for my perfect cross-training, and the next time I go to yoga I'll bring a towel.