Monday, April 21, 2008

Levels of Performance

Like Qbertplaya, I keep thinking about how I felt when I expected my name to be called, and then it wasn't. I felt the floor drop out from under me, just for a split second, and then a rush of something--perspective?-- filled me back up to take the place of the usurped expectation.

I know I didn't test at full capacity. My excuse at the time was a cough I'd acquired over the weekend, and I definitely babied myself. But for some reason I thought my average effort would suffice.

How lovely to know that it can't. Not passing a form, I'm learning, means that my best effort must be GREAT because my average effort is pretty good! If I had passed XHQ having performed the way I did, then I wouldn't be roused as I am to respond to the call to be better, to do more, to TRAIN HARDER! I have more to aspire to now, and I intend to-- not just at Temple, but everywhere in my life.

I was settling for "pretty good", when I am more than that. We all are. In the company of my Shaolin compadres, I feel luminous, and as much as I know that what shines is my own inner light, it is magnified infinitely by the glow of the mirrors of light all around me. Qbertplaya: you are my hero. You embody everything required for warrior-hood. And as I'm slowly absorbing the gift of perspective I have been given, I am more thankful than ever that I get to be discovering these things with such awesome people, just like Q said. More Chi? Definitely!

1 comment:

  1. Aww, I thought I had finished my crying for the day, but now you're making me weepy again. <3 <3 <3