Training mini marathon

I'm taking the day off. My ass hurts. My back hurts. My hips, hamstrings, quads, knees, ankles, shins, feet, and calves hurt. Basically my everything hurts. Yesterday was my 7th day of training in a row. I was determined to get a whole week done, even though really it's as arbitrary a number as any. But I wanted to say I had done it, even if it meant it would hurt. I just wanted to train hard as I could. I always said I wished I could train every day and now is my opportunity. It was sort of like an extended version of class and far as the mental and physical pushing of myself. And it definitely helped reveal things to me about why and how I train.

I spent a large part of the week getting to class early and working on my left handed ceshoufans for a new move I learned in Level 2. As we all know it is not my strong side. I spent over an hour in L2 on Friday doing cartwheels over and over and over again and still not getting it. I know what to do; I know not to be scared; but my body is just retarded and won't obey me. I really started to get angry at one point. It's so frustrating to not be able to do something so basic even after spending half the class doing nothing else. I tried to focus my anger into chi but I just got worse.

I am terrible about getting really angry at myself when I mess something up. In kung fu this hasn't been as bad because the mental training has helped me mature beyond internal tantrums, (mostly), but there were several times this week when I was learning something new, or even going back to something I already know when I just got so frustrated I wanted to hit something. It was somewhere around my 500th ceshoufan that I realized that this anger was actually holding me back. I couldn't "use" that anger to train better because I was just going into the whole thing with the wrong attitude. It was weighing me down. After all, I didn't decide to train every day because I wanted to be angry at myself for not being perfect at things. I trained because it's fun to work at getting better. I guess this is a fairly straightforward revelation, but I had always operated under the understanding that you could focus anger or frustration as energy in what you were doing. But for me at least, I realized it was just making me worse, and that what I actually had to do was let it go entirely.

Once I started to focus on having fun and being happy that I was learning I already felt lighter. My ceshoufans improved dramatically in how they felt and even some in how they look. :) Of course, I got to the point (today that is) where what I really needed to make things better is a little rest. But it was good to remember that training harder does not mean you have to take yourself too seriously. However, I seriously am enjoying resting my legs. :)

Kung Fu Kitties?

Kung Fu Panda?

A new animated flick -- "Kung Fu Panda" -- is coming out next Summer:

Refining

In class yesterday, during forms, Heng Ji and I were on the floor doing erluquan when Sifu told us to stop. Then he had everyone in the forms line work on their arm rotations and do erluquan for him individually while he corrected us as we went. Even when an older student who had been teaching came over to do a quick form, Sifu had them do the same thing. It was a reminder that even the older, more advanced students can slip into bad habits, and that no matter how long you’ve been training there’s always refining that needs to be done even on a Level 1 form.

It’s hard to remember every detail of each move every single time you do it. But there are definitely places where I’m making the same errors again and again. Also it’s interesting to see the places where we all have compensated the same way, or are making the same mistake. It was good to work those things out; I feel like my erluquan is gradually getting stronger and cleaner. Yet if yesterday taught me anything, it will always be able to get even stronger and even cleaner no matter how far I get.

The Motivator

Leo gave some interesting thoughts on motivations for beginning training and continuing to train. Specifically he was discussing the difference between men and women and retention, but I began thinking about the reason(s) I started training and how they are similar or different to the ones I have to continue training, both in terms of the long term commitment as well as what gets me to temple daily. We've talked a lot about why we train now: the challenge, the community, the mental training, the benefits to our personal well being, and the straight up exercise. But for me at least, I started training for different reasons than those that motivate me now.My initial impulse to come train was borne of 2 things 1) I had lots of free time and I was bored 2)I wanted to look cool doing kung fu at parties. Secret number 3 was that I wanted to become a contract killer.......... The free time is now gone (yes I'm working again). I have found I feel un -coordinated more that I feel cool when training; and if anything the more I learn the more I'm humbled about the lifetime of learning left. And, I don't want to be a contract killer anymore..... But clearly I still train; funny how things change like that. You always get more than you bargained for. I'd be interested to know what prompted other folks to start training (exercise? party trick? followed a friend/boyfriend/family member?) and whether that's the same motivator they have now.

(Also, I love the Buddhist-y cyclical nature of how you train for a reason but training changes your reasons for training so you train more and then your motivations change again and so on and so forth...)

Girl Power

I've always found it mildly irritating when girls come to train kung fu and they use the fact that they're female to sort of train halfway. You know the giggly, oh I'm embarrassed, sweat? what's that? kind of thing. I've never been a super girly girl, and always fairly sporty, so I never got that whole mentality. Of course we are all self conscious our first time out, but for some girls the silliness never goes away though the girls eventually do.

Last night, however, I felt like a dumb girl for the first time. L2 is like going back to those first days of L1 where everyone is intimidatingly better than you. But it's not quite the same because you do know a little bit, plus you know the people there and have a few newbies taking the ride the same time as you. My last class however, we were learning a strike, a pretty rudimentary straight punch, and I just couldn't seem to get it.

Training is a lot of kicking, and we don't do that many strikes in L1. Or if we do they're attached to a kick or stance. I was just very conscious of the fact that I did not know how to punch properly and I felt very conspicuous over in the back watching myself in the mirror. I felt, well, like a silly girl who's never punched someone unless you count the time I punched a boy on the playground when I was 12. Instead of giggling and giving up though, I got angry at myself for being so dumb and focused harder on our drill. I don't think I was looking like Muhammad Ali by the end there, but I think it definitely looked better than at the beginning.

So now I have a little more sympathy for the so called "silly girls" who feel lost when doing something new to them. And while kung fu has helped obliterate a lot of my painful self consciousness, I got a reminder that there is still plenty left to get over, but will get over if I just keep focusing on my goal. Plus, it's ok to be girly; we smell better.

"Train, Train, Go Away"

Whenever I first wake up, I never want to train. On the border of sleep and awake getting out of bed seems quite unappealing if not totally impossible. Of course once I'm up for ten minutes then I'm fine. But today, waking up after a night out to a gray rainy day, I decided to roll over, snuggle deeper into my comforter, and snooze until noon.

WHAT? "Now way. I have taken two days off because I felt a little under the weather, but I was getting my lazy ass out of bed and training no matter what. I threw myself out of bed, and in under fifteen minutes, cooked and ate breakfast, got dressed, got my bag together, brushed my teeth and ran out the door.

I can't train tomorrow, which means that Monday would be 4 days since my last class. That's less frequent training than when I was working full time. We simply can't have that. Class was very humid, and the last vestiges of my cold left me feeling woozy and lethargic, but it was a fun class and by the end I felt stronger than at the beginning. After all that bitching and moaning my Shaolin whatever sword was tight but not excessively troublesome and my shinsplints took a brief respite. Then, instead of booking it home to curl back in bed I stayed for a really great Buddhism class then helped do some storage reorganization with the demo team practicing in the background. It was a good reminder how many different kinds of training I get when I walk into temple: physical training, mental training, spiritual training, community training, and inspirational training watching those I admire. Those are the things that I need to remember to make the next hauling out of bed a little less melodramatic.

The (Over)Thinker

Last night, according to Qbertplaya, I developed the infamous Shaolin Butt Sword. I don't know about that, it's not near by butt, but down in my inner and lower hamstring. But the symptoms she says are identical. It all started with my first Level 2 class and a strain on my hamstring from lots of pubu chuanzangs. It's been there but sort of gradually losing intensity over the past week. Last night, it was not being my friend, but I was still trucking through it when during a yangshen yunshou my leg just totally freaked out on me, sort of seizing up and yet over stretching at the same time. I must learn to pivot!!! In the meantime I almost crashed to the floor, but managed to limp back into line wondering if I should take a moment off to assess the damage. Coupled with some serious shinsplints (a result of trying to correct both my take-off and landing in jumps, consequently I haven't yet managed to successfully do both at the same time) I felt a little as though continuing might be taking "training harder" a step too far.


Which leads to my thought for today: Is there such a thing as training too hard? We know that pushing yourself into an injury is bad, but sometimes I worry I'm just mentally giving in to a pain I'm having. Last night I did keep going in spite of all my bodily objections, and except for avoiding right sided pubus, and wincing a bit during right sided kicks, I managed fine. Is this good or bad? I'm an over-thinker. I know that. I waste more energy thinking about something than just doing it. When I start class I try to get that out of my head, but generally my brain still runs a mile a minute impeding my ability to "just do it." How do you switch that off? And if you do, is that bad because you won't stop to consider pausing for an injury? Here I am again, thinking about it too much instead of just icing my leg and moving forward. If I stopped thinking I bet I could fix my jumps easier too. I know this all comes down to knowing your body and kung fu being action meditation where you're supposed to clear your mind, but I wish I had a switch to just turn my brain off and relax. Actually while we're wishing for things I wish I had a switch to turn off the ache in my Shaolin Lower-inner-hamstring Sword. Actually, while we're wishing for things..... did I mention I think too much?

"Double your pleasure, double your fun!"

Today was a hallmark in my training journey. For many reasons, but it started off with training two classes.

Yes, two. Something I had once spoken of jokingly to Level 2 students long ago has recently becoming a more plausible concept to me. And as I'm currently work free, was three days off the training wagon recuperating my legs, and had Heng De singing the benefits of double training, I decided to make today the day.

Level 1 was officially the smallest class I've ever attended. TEN people. And for the first time ever I was the most advanced student in the class. It was a sort of awesome and yet frightening feeling. It was an excellent but very tiring class with so few students. It was not what I would have chosen for the class to precede what was going to be only my third L2 class.

big lunch and a bit of a nap later.....

I rolled myself into class tonight feeling groggy, but more from having napped in the middle of the day than muscle tiredness. I warmed up light because my body was still surprisingly flexible in spite of having taken a nap, and even though I was feeling normal I felt compelled to save every ounce of energy for class.

It was remarkable. It was far and away easier than my last two L2 experiences. Or, not easier exactly, but my chi didn't abandon me midway. It kept on going right up to the end, even through the arduousness of learning a new move (my first new L2 move!!!) and doing sweeps and five kicks till the end of class.

Tired? yes. A little sore? Yes. Going to sleep very well tonight? Yes. Dead and never want to train again? No! I feel outstanding, and while I may not make it a regular occurrence (I really couldn't do anything else with my day between classes but eat and nap) I'm definitely glad I did it and look forward to doing it again. Apparently chi isn't something you use up, but something that builds and expands upon itself, so that the more you train the more chi you actually have. This is a very scientific theory rooted in physics and elaborate math equations, I know, but whatever. I'm just glad it happened because after the grueling mental and physical mess of Thursday, I needed the resurgence of the chi. So now I know, next time I'm feeling flat, don't take the day off, double it up!

Notes from the D.L.

Man, it has been a while since the last time I posted here. Most of you have heard by now that during the last class I attended on September 29th, I twisted my knee doing a sweep kick in erluquan. It happened towards the end of class, and I had been feeling the chi, mostly because my parents showed up to watch class. I guess I was trying extra hard to show off or something.

I was kind of an emotional wreck the next few days. At first, I was soooo disappointed -- I had just finished learning erluquan, and I was all geared up to test for it the following weekend. I was eager to show Shifu all my hard work.

When a visit to the orthopaedist for x-rays and an MRI suggested that I might be dealing with a torn something-or-other, I went from disappointed to scared. Not only was I dreading the prospects of surgery, but I faced a possible recovery time of 8-10 months before I could even think about returning to kung fu. Yikes!

Happily, the results of the MRI a week later showed that nothing was torn; I had sustained a major sprain to a knee I've hurt before years ago from basketball. So, thankfully, I am looking at a shorter recovery time and have dodged the surgery bullet.

I am going to physical therapy twice a week, and every time I go, they give me more and more little exercises to strengthen my inner quadricep muscle to stabilize my kneecap in its groove. While those exercises may pale in comparison to what we accomplish at Temple, part of my training now is to recognize that this too is part of training. And it's working; every day I do feel a little stronger.

So what now? People have asked how long will it be before I train again, and it's a beautiful thing to know that so many friends are rooting for your speedy recovery. At first, I said to them, "Oh, hopefully a month and a half, two months at most." But ever since I started physical therapy last week, I have decided merely to say, "We'll see. I'm taking it day by day."

A knee injury is nothing to sneeze at! I will be sure to take however long I need to ensure a full recovery, and to be dilligent about doing my exercises. And while I miss the thrill of pushing my body to the max and seeing all of my fellow dorks, I need to exercise patience training, which can be most difficult. I need to do what's right for Qbertplaya and her busted knee, so that when she comes back, she will be ready to attack (if even only from the side line)!