Tuesday, March 10, 2009

This Is Why I Train

It changed over the year. At the beginning, it was to stop thinking - for at least two hours during class. I was obsessed with my doomed relationship and self-pity. I was on a verge of depression. I learned to be present and mindful of things around me rather than just stayed in my own head.

And then I got over it.

I opened up and got to know more people at the temple. I realized I did not have to pretend to be accepted and liked. I could have friends I liked and liked me back for who I was in New York City! At the time, I trained because I was lonely. I wanted to make friends. I learned to open up and be comfortable with myself.

And then I started liking myself. I didn't need to be around people to not be lonely anymore.

Then it's because of Kungfu. I kept training because I wanted to be good. I wanted to kiss my toes and do all kinds of cool things other people can do. I liked learning and pushing my body to do things I never imagined doing. I remember the first time I did Ceshoufan. I had a surgery on the left shoulder not more than a year prior. I was mortified. But I did it. I liked the rush I had after the class - the feeling of accomplishing something difficult. I learned to be humble and confident at the same time.

And then that stopped too. I have been training only in Level 1 with the same routines over and over. I hardly do anything new anymore. I learned to find ways to improve what I know. I keep telling myself I can always learn - not a new move or a new form - but about myself. But that sometime wavers.

I still keep training at least 3 times a week. And I ask myself - why? What do I like so much about being there that even crumbling knees cannot stop me?

I think it's the positive energy - the chi. It's infectious. It makes me a positive and happy person. Maybe I do believe that through training I will one day understand myself. Or maybe I'm just addicted to pain.

Why do you train?


  1. I want to see how far i go. I feel like i accomplished something. I want to be better then myself yesterday. I can be poor and this makes me happy lol.
    ~joe~ ::the guy with the all the piercings

  2. I keep training because I continue to learn and grow, both physically and spiritually.

    Shifu's wisdom and his way of teaching often leaves me speechless. And that's the best way. Heart to heart. Mind to mind.


  3. Training is the great equalizer. If everything else is going wrong in your life training can be what you make it. You can use it to escape or have something positive to focus on.

    I had similar issues with loneliness and one day I just decided to train particularly hard - like TIGER STYLE hard! When class was over I didn't care about being alone. It didn't make sense to worry about it. It brought me back to zero.

    When I visit my parents I don't think they fully understand why I say I have to get back to the city and train. They know that I don't have work so the only thing that I plan to do is train. "Train for what?" they say. "Train for life". For me life isn't as sweet without training.