P-Push It Real Good!

I've been trying to maintain a strong sense of patience during my road to recovery with my screwed-up knee. When I came back on December 1st after two months off from kung fu, I knew my endurance was shot, so I made myself to go to the side for kung fu kindergarten each time so that I could restore my confidence in executing all the basics again. It felt a bit funny since for so long I would normally spend the first part of class trying to avoid getting sent to KFK, but then I cherished the opportunity to re-learn and refine and rebuild.

I enforced upon myself mandatory KFK until January 1st. I thought a good month of KFK would give me enough time to work up to practicing forms again on the side. And that's what happened; I rejoined the gang on the side, and felt energized by their encouragement, and slowly built up my strength. My first attempt at erluquan in months made me happy, but nervous, and it showed in my execution -- Shifu saw me from across the room and looked puzzled at what I was doing, but it was all good.

So, I ended up setting little goals/timelines for myself, and every little thing I found myself doing again that I had difficulty doing earlier in my return, I considered a nice victory. It is as though I have been doing a mini review of everything I had learned from Day 1 till the end of erluquan, which I had finished just before I injured myself. And most recently, I have been polishing erluquan, which I am eager to test in April. I have been especially concerned about nailing the sweep kick, which initially gave me flashback anxieties, but now all I care about is not sticking my ass in the air.

This week, however, I kinda let the patience thing slide. I originally decided that I'd give myself till the end of February to practice erluquan slowly and deliberately by breaking it up into pieces, and not worrying about doing it in its entirety. This past Tuesday some irrepressible urge seized me and pushed me into going past the 5th kick, which is usually where I break. I found myself going, going, going, and before I knew it, I was dizzy and out of breath, but I made it through a whole erluquan. And I did it again that class. And I did it again last night.

It is a truly fantastic feeling to know that we all have these amazing abilities within us -- the ability to motivate, to learn, to perfect, to think. And while I know I possessed these skills before my journey with shaolin kung fu began, it gives me a sense of pure happiness when I realize it better through understanding what hard work can really accomplish.