Post-Testing Speech

I like the speech we got after the testing session this year. It went something like this.

• Our basics improved. (Yay!)


• But we need to train harder on the Level 2 basics especially the jumps. We need more air and jump higher! (More Chi!)


• Confidence is the key in life and training. Be relax and slow when you need to. Be fast and explosive at other times - just like doing forms. If we go at the same pace all the time, we either get out of breath or no Chi.


• Mistakes are bad and good as long as we know what they are and learn from them.


• Keep training what we know when we learn new things. We got two analogies here. One was bricks in buildings. If we don't have bricks, we don't have buildings. The other was syllables in sentences.


• Something about "I am handsome"....

Orange Crush

It is no longer an object of fancy for your humble Narrator; I finally got the call to the big leagues, to wear the orange robes, and no, I couldn't wait to try them on, as evidenced by the photo above. :)

It has been a mighty struggle for me, especially from the time I blew out my knee to not passing erluquan during testing six months ago. Well over a year had transpired since I finished erluquan, and I had to find ways to understand why I needed to be in Level 1 for another six months after not being elevated to Level 2 this past April. Of course, one can always polish and refine what one has learned, and one can become stronger, but the challenge also became a mental one.

Mainly, I had to fight to maintain my motivation. This was not about going to class and having Shifu motivate me with his barking. Rather, this was about me pushing myself, in spite of myself. I have witnessed several of my dearest friends who started after me get to Level 2 ahead of me, and while yes, I know it's about the individual journey, and not comparing yourself to others, most of us have enjoyed success in our lives largely due to a competitive sense. I wanted to be able to train with my brothers and sisters, learning new things together, like we used to. I admit to feeling traces of jealousy at times when hearing my fellow dorks discuss new moves. I felt bad for feeling simultaneously proud and envious of them for progressing through subsequent Level 2 forms while I remained stuck on erluquan. And so, when I cried like a baby after last certificate ceremony, it was for a multitude of reasons, none of which were hugely attractive.

But I had to keep reminding myself that I'd get there eventually. Maybe it'd take me a little longer than others, but I needed to keep plugging away. While I was recovering from my knee injury and couldn't train and missed my friends for two months, I remember thinking, geez, I can't wait to train kung fu again. Just to be able to caijiao and mabu again with my peers would be a wonderful thing! And it goes to show that it's not about how high you kick, or how fast you fly, but that you're doing it, and you try and try again to do it better. The action is meditation itself -- it's not about what you're doing, necessarily, but the doing itself.

We see people come to train at Temple with varying skills. Some so very amazing and lithe, others needing much training. But we judge not how well people do in terms of ability, but how hard they try, vis à vis their expressions of chi. I hope, for me, that ability to express my chi never dries up. As long as I can move my body, I hope to keep moving forward.

Thanks to all of you who've been so supportive. I am so glad to have had you along for my ride. All week long before yesterday's ceremony, I promised myself I wouldn't cry again, yet surely I did, but at least this time they were tears of happiness. I was one of the first Kung Fu Dork bloggers to write; I am the last of the bloggers to move to Level 2, and to that, I say, better late than never!

So, in five minutes, I shall depart my laptop, and jump on the subway, for what will be my very first Level 2 class, which promises to be scary and fun and challenging. I cannot wait to train harder, to learn new things, and to continue forth with the next chapter of my journey of getting to know myself.

CHI!

Congrats!!

Congratulations to everyone who passed their forms!

It was a pretty gratifying ceremony, with tons of cheers and a few (happy!) tears. I'm still mildly curious if there was a Xiao Hong Quan mix up. I can wait another 6 months to find out though. After all, I did add an extra move to my form during testing, and sadly the error was not just chalked up to my expressing myself :)

I'm just hoping the confusion related to faulty record-keeping is not a foreshadowing of any dubious voter-calculation activities which may want to rear their ugly heads tomorrow.

One more time: Congratulations!

AND DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!

Food for Thought

This past Sunday, after testing, Sifu's comments were that we were getting sloppy and slow. Not exactly the summary one hopes for. "Sifu!" I wanted to cry, "I had the stomach flu! I've barely eaten for 5 days!"

I managed to refrain. my only goals going into testing were to not pass out or throw up. But his words stuck with me, especially as he repeated them to the seven lonely people that showed up for Level 2 Monday night. He added, "No more. Starting today always be strong. Always be sharp."

"But Sifu!" I wanted to cry, "I had the stomach flu! I've barely eaten for 5 days!"

I couldn't bear being a disappointment, but instead of protesting, I shut up and began class. It was awesome and totally bizarre. After ten minutes we were still working on caijiao. By 7:30 we had gotten through three basic moves. By 8:00 we had finished going over 6 moves, all L1 basics.
You can imagine the intensity with which we were executing and fine-tuning the details of every kick. It wasn't at all frustrating but instead rejuvenating to get the tough love and be forced to go back and do those very first basics upon which we constantly build. During stretching, Sifu made a side comment, "Push yourself -- if it was easy everyone would be a master."

By the end of class something clicked. I didn't need to cry my excuse to Sifu because it didn't matter. I should have approached testing with as much chi as ever. Sure I had been sick, but I was kidding myself if I couldn't admit that part of the problem was the week I took off before the bout of illness. Before that I had taken another week off from an earlier bout of flu. There may have been sickness mingled up in there, but I was indulging it and more than the dehydration from stomach flu, the only 2 days of training in a span of nearly three weeks was more to blame. You can only lie to yourself just so much, before you realize your making excuses to make yourself feel better about something you feel guilty having done. I needed some time off; that was fine. But that was my choice and I can't milk an illness to justify that choice. You have to be confident in your decisions and then won't feel the need to justify them later.

So I can't go in and say, "I had the stomach flu!" and then settle for making it through without passing out and throwing up. That's trying to cover the fact that I was not feeling right about my choice not to train before that point. I needed to have gone in there with the highest level of chi I could muster. The same goes for class. I choose to come. As Sifu says, "Don't waste your life. You come to temple, then train harder." So I shouldn't come to training without giving it 100%. Even if physically or mentally I'm not at my optimum place, I can give all of whatever I have. Doing that, I'll have nothing to regret, nothing to reprimand myself for, and there won't be any reason not to be proud of every choice I make. I won't need excuses and I won't to worry if Sifu thinks I'm training hard enough; I'll know I am through being honest with myself and he'll see it. So, to sum up this public moralizing, let's try to do what we profess and train harder.

A few words from Heng Ji (Branden)

With testing coming up this weekend for most, I thought a little reflection might be appropriate.

- If your body is strong but your mind is lazy, you lack the mental discipline and focus to train harder and push your body further.

- Finish stronger than you began.

- True happiness come from a life that is fulfilled.

- A truly happy life is a life of action, not distraction.
True happiness comes from mastering and polishing your life.

It comes from self-respect and self-confidence, from developing harmony and balance so that you can savor 'THIS' moment, here and now, for the beautiful gift that it is.

- Happiness is spreading peace and love to the people around you.

That is the warrior way.

- Be fully mindful of the moment.

- Commit yourself to training everyday.

Good luck to everyone!

Test Prep

Yesterday was disciple ceremony, and as a result, class was cut a little short. But not before I was able to pound through some forms with re-ignited chi.

It was strange, I didn’t get all that much sleep, and I was pretty sure I was coming down with a cold (confirmed today) but there was no way I’d skip out on class before Disciple Ceremony, especially when I had only been to 3 classes this week. Heng Mo and I met up to walk to the train together and both of us were feeling a fair amount of indigestion from the unaccustomedly obscene amount of meat we ate at Qbertplaya’s BBQ birthday the day before. Our one consolation was that, at least the meat might give us chi (if we didn’t get sick first…).

I guess it worked because we both agreed that it was an excellent class. When forms time came I was able to attack them with a level of chi that I had been lacking since coming back from China. Or maybe we were both just feeling the chi in anticipation of Disciple Ceremony. But it was a relief, because with testing coming up, feeling exhausted during forms is not a good sign. Only so much endurance can be regained in 3 weeks. I am really looking forward to testing both XHQ and DHQ, but they are not walks in the park, so I will need all the preparatory chi I can get!

Levels of Performance

Like Qbertplaya, I keep thinking about how I felt when I expected my name to be called, and then it wasn't. I felt the floor drop out from under me, just for a split second, and then a rush of something--perspective?-- filled me back up to take the place of the usurped expectation.

I know I didn't test at full capacity. My excuse at the time was a cough I'd acquired over the weekend, and I definitely babied myself. But for some reason I thought my average effort would suffice.

How lovely to know that it can't. Not passing a form, I'm learning, means that my best effort must be GREAT because my average effort is pretty good! If I had passed XHQ having performed the way I did, then I wouldn't be roused as I am to respond to the call to be better, to do more, to TRAIN HARDER! I have more to aspire to now, and I intend to-- not just at Temple, but everywhere in my life.

I was settling for "pretty good", when I am more than that. We all are. In the company of my Shaolin compadres, I feel luminous, and as much as I know that what shines is my own inner light, it is magnified infinitely by the glow of the mirrors of light all around me. Qbertplaya: you are my hero. You embody everything required for warrior-hood. And as I'm slowly absorbing the gift of perspective I have been given, I am more thankful than ever that I get to be discovering these things with such awesome people, just like Q said. More Chi? Definitely!

You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby

(The Smiths are good for moping.)
Shifu did not call my name yesterday during the certificate ceremony, and I cried like a fuckin' baby afterwards. And then I got upset at myself for getting upset because I equated tears with showing weakness, but realized that isn't necessarily true.

I am disappointed and sad, and I'm allowed to be, dammit, but can I be really be so upset with the whole situation? (Cue in music by The Smiths.)

This testing thing, this not passing thing...it only takes on the meaning that I choose to assign it. If I let it be all-encompassing, then that's the end of this post, isn't it?

I could say to myself, Shifu thinks I suck. I think I suck. I should just give up and not go on.

Or, I could say, Jeez Louise, 'playa, you've come way too far to give up now. It's nothing but a hiccup. A sign from Shifu that you're not quite there yet. You just haven't earned it yet, baby. But you will!

And it's true...looking honestly at myself, have I completely exhausted perfecting what I know? Not at all! In fact, just the other night, Shifu sent me to kung fu kindergarden. Although I am proud of the progress I've made since injuring myself almost 7 months ago, and hell, the progress I've made since Day 1, there is still so much work. I know I can work on endurance. I know I can strengthen my legs for jumping. And stop that damn skipping. And perhaps some day I'll work up the courage to do ceshoufan on the other side.

And I can continue to train my mind....

Rather than spend time wondering what Shifu is/was thinking for me, and whether this is all part of his crazy plan for me, I choose to focus on what I am thinking for myself. What is my plan? And my plan is to TRAIN HARDER.

The point is, I don't necessarily see this as a failure from which I need to rise. It is merely an evaluation of where I am as of now, which is helpful as a reference point to see where I'll be in the future. Heng Yu reminded me of that feeling that I'm sure a lot of us had when we started at Temple -- that great sense of awe and slight intimidation, and wondering if I'd ever be as good as those guys wearing those orange uniforms, and here I am, on the cusp of being there. I might be limping a little, but I am just a wee bit behind. And I will be there soon, maybe not right now, but soon in the long future...

And once I've earned it, once I do get to Level 2, it will feel so good...

In the meanwhile, I know some things for sure -- that because of training at Temple I've met some really awesome folks. My friends who've supported me throughout this entire crazy endeavor, I know I will be able to always count on you for support regardless of whether I pass or not. And that goes the same for those non-shaolin folks, too. After leaving post-ceremony dim sum and the dorks, I went to a seder for Passover at Bestest Boy's mom's house, and had a fine meal and a fun time, and these people had no idea that I didn't pass earlier that day. They don't define me as a non-Level 2-er, and neither should I. They see me as Qbertplaya, and nothing more nor less. And so in the end, that is perhaps a most important part of my training as well -- learning to open my heart and mind in a way so I get to know and love some very fine people...including myself.

Testing, schmesting!

So testing weekend came and went, and life still goes on!

Sure, we each could critique ourselves at length for we probably know best what we could have popped better and extended more, but overall, I agree with Leo's thorough recap that we as a group rocked it pretty hard.

And yeah, I can't wait until certificate ceremony on Sunday to find out who gets to wear an orange uniform next (please let me be one!), but considering just six short months ago, I was wondering whether I'd ever set a sweaty foot on that green carpet again, I am absolutely thrilled that I made my recovery in time to show Shifu that I learned erluquan and hopefully improved my basics and other forms. In the end, the lesson I take away is that don't take for granted what amazing things we are accomplishing by training. Training in itself is achievement!

**********

So Friday night, mere hours before my testing was to begin, I asked Bestest Boy if he'd like to come see me test, but that I had to clear it first with Temple whether that was permissible to have non-students come and watch. We discussed it somewhat -- he was concerned it might add to my nervousness, or create a distraction akin to what happened the last time I brought visitors (my parents, and then me wrecking my knee), but I dismissed that notion -- part of our training is that we learn to rid our minds of distractions, and focus on the task at hand.

I called Temple in the morning, and Shifu answered the phone, so I asked if I could bring a friend, and he said, Beautiful, no problem. So, it was set -- Bestest Boy would come along to watch and give us chi. On the train ride in, I told him I was so excited and proud that I was gonna be able to show him all my hard work during testing, and he replied that even if he hadn't been able to come, he didn't have to see me in action to be proud of my hard work.

As schmoopy as that may seem, it is true -- be proud of what we've done with our bodies and minds! And, as always, TRAIN HARDER!

Testing Recap

Level 1 Testing is over! The final verdict? Everyone did really well! My testing time was at 2:30pm but I went to watch/support the other erluquan (二路拳) people in the 11:45am group. Needless to say, I was there warming up, training, and testing for a little over 4 hours.

The 11:45am group was led by Rob and Ted, who were the only ones testing for erluquan. Everyone else was testing for yiluquan (一路拳). Rob was picked to lead the line. Thanks to his last minute cramming of all the names of the moves the night before, he led wonderfully well. Not once did he mess up, except for when Shifu asked him to do tuizhang (推掌). I know what tuizhang is, but I've never done it while going down the line or just as a standalone unless it was at the end of class. So I don't fault Rob for not knowing what it was, and Shifu didn't asking anyone else to do it the rest of the day.

Both Rob and Ted performed erluquan superbly. I hope they both passed in the eyes of Shifu and move on to Level 2.

The 2:30pm group was full. Everyone was excited and nervous. We were all testing for erluquan. There were 13 of us and Jaka led the line, as I knew he would. He is the most senior out of all of us in terms of the amount of time spent at the Temple. And, he has been asked to teach basic techniques and/or forms almost every Level 1 class. Heng Yu was second and I followed up as third. (Edit: Line Order-> Jaka, Heng Yu, Leo, Mark, Chris, Heng Shan, Heng Shi, Steve, Mike, Heng Zang, Elaine, Ellen, Heng Jin)

My nemesis tengkong fanyao (騰空翻腰) reared its head and I messed up horribly while going down the line. I even bumped into the person behind me as I was trying to get up into the air again. I hope I didn't mess him up too much. It just shows that I need to practice tengkong fanyao much much more.

During a break between basics and forms, I over-extended my back and hurt it somehow. Every step was painful and I didn't think I was going to be able to walk let alone do 3 forms for Shifu. But I resolved that I was already there and the worst that could happen would be that I make many many mistakes and don't pass. If I didn't test, I definitely wouldn't pass. I might as well take my best shot and accept whatever may come.

My erluquan was okay. It lacked any pop and I couldn't really extend or jump. I made it through. The only real glaring mistake was towards the end when you twist your body and jump into a pubu. When I landed, I felt a jolt of searing hot pain shoot up my spine. I lost my balance and almost fell backwards. I bit down hard and quickly recovered and finished the form wincing from unbearable agony. Shifu probably didn't notice because he just thought I was tired from doing the whole form. I actually don't remember doing the last few parts of the form. I was merely concentrating on not doubling over and saying, "Amituofo Shifu, I'm sorry. I can't finish."

I dragged myself back into line and those words kept repeating in my mind. I tried to take my mind off of the pain by watching everyone else test forms. I actually don't remember doing them at all. All I remember was the sensations of a sharp hammer violently assaulting my lower back (which it is still doing as I write this blog entry).

Everyone in our group was really strong with erluquan. I was ecstatically happy for our fellow KF Dork Qbertplaya for finishing erluquan in front of Shifu at testing. I know it has been a long hard-won journey for her. Heng Shi really impressed me for being able to do erluquan after only learning the rest of it this past week. Elaine's form was beautiful and graceful. Jaka's and Heng Jin's form were technically flawless. Heng Yu had massive chi as usual and pushed everyone on. Heng Shan couldn't finish the form the first time, but with heart and determination, he was able to do it all the way through when Shifu gave him a second chance.

All in all, it was a great experience to go through, with many highs and lows. Even if I don't pass, I've learned many valuable lessons to carry with me throughout my journey. The ability to overcome pain. Trusting in muscle memory. Not giving up. How much I love what we do. How much I love being a part of this Shaolin family.

I hope everyone passes and moves on to Level 2 where we will train even harder!! It's time to put our tax refunds to good use by buying new orange uniforms!!

Thank you Heng Cheng for coming to cheer us on with your chi and cupcakes! Both were tremendously appreciated!

Breathe In, Breathe Out!

Testing is this weekend -- yippee! I'm not trying to be facetious by saying yippee! I am genuinely looking forward to being in the moment, having an opportunity to show Shifu where I'm at.

It's interesting how much can change in just six months. Back at the end of September, I had just finished erluquan, and was feeling some doubt as to how solid I felt, overthought it quite a bit, and then went ahead and wrecked my knee. Nutty! Fear of testing at that point no longer occupied the forefront of my mind; my newfound fear became, Will I be able to regain strength in my knee to the point where I can train kung fu at the same level again? Of course, I was disappointed not to have the opportunity to try for Level 2 with some of my fellow dorks -- Mo, Sucheela and Cheng -- but that disappointment became a mere trace of a thought as I propelled myself through recovery these last six months. I learned to project less towards the future, and to focus on the here and now.

And here we are once more, six months later, with my testing countdown at about 26 hours from now. But instead of feeling anxiety over whether my erluquan will be up to snuff, and whether I'm ready for Level 2, I am feeling pretty calm because I know how much work I've put into training and myself since my return on December 1st. I know the progress I've made since my knee injury. While I still feel a little gimpy at times, and my ability to blast off with my bad knee is still not great (not that it ever was), I feel prepared. I will be able to show Shifu on Saturday that I have worked hard. And perhaps there is still much room for improvement with my knee and myself, but hopefully he will recognize that I am capable of training har-dah.

So, yes, like that seminal band Bush from the mid-'90s urges us, Breathe in, breathe out! Breathe in, breathe out! and all will be fine.


Good luck, everyone!

"Why do we come here?"

I want to post something insightful and/or inspirational about coming back from illness and training hard and so on and so forth. But in my head I just see Sifu telling me to ceshoufan faster, or myself trying vainly to wrench my leg around in mopan saotui. I am starting to feel desperate about ever regaining the head flip; I'm regressing to fear of bawang zakui. Every time I jump I feel like I'm half as high as people who are half my height. I'm not worried about testing. It will come and go and I'll do my best. I'm more concerned that my best has ceased to impress me. I haven't been training two years and already I have learned so much, but then the other half of me says, I've been training almost two years and I still go at a snail's pace in ceshoufan...

I'm not trying to get all gloomy; testing time is always a moment for self-assessment and I feel like I have never trained as hard as I claimed or intended. I mean, if I wanted a better ceshoufan I would have gotten it by now. It's not an aerial. The head flip I had, so there's no excuse for wallowing around in self pity over it. I've spent a lot of my blogging indulging in complaints about this or that soreness, or the alleged difficulty of something. EZ says in class "Not just hard, Hard-ER!" And while this makes myself, Sifu, and everyone else laugh good naturedly, it's true. I'm not saying I don't train hard, but I can definitely train harder.

Synchronized 二路拳

Are the stars beginning to align? Or is there some magical chi mist that has descended upon our fellow brethren at the Shaolin Temple? For the past few level 1 classes, especially in the daytime, I've noticed that most of the regular level 1 folks are either done or almost done learning erluquan. This could mean that there will be a unprecedented (my exaggeration probably) number of people testing erluquan. By my count, there could be about 14 of us.

It's very fascinating and rewarding to go through a process with the same group of people. I know that Cheng, Mo, and Qbertplaya (edit. -- and Sucheela!) went through a similar experience last Fall when they were all preparing to test erluquan and were helping each other to ignite the chi. You form a very special bond. Like when we were all freshmen in high school walking into the cafeteria for the first time. We just naturally gravitate towards each other and cower sit at the same table.

By having a large group, it's also has been a wonderful way to polish our own techniques by watching others perform the same movements over and over again. For us daytime folks, we are even more lucky, because we get to have Shifu watch and teach us erluquan. In fact, it's not uncommon to see more than two people working on the form at the same time. And on those rarest of occasions, a 4-person synchronized erluquan.

SAT - Shaolin Aptitude Test

Last class before testing... I had to keep repeating that in my head tonight. The air was THICK. When did summer come back? I got the old woozy-hazy-super sweaties and each time I did a full run of erluquan I thought I was not going to make it to the end. I mean it was hotttttt, man. And during warm up I aggravated the rip in my cotton pants, so I had to plow through with only one uniform. But last class before testing, gotta bring the chi. (Yes I bring it every day, etc. etc., but you know what I mean.)

So I was going to list out what I think are my weakest spots and what last minute tweaking I hope to achieve before Saturday. But I realized, I don't want to get stressed and analytical about testing. I am comfortable with where I am and am looking forward to showing that progress to Sifu. This isn't a test for cramming. And I feel I'm as prepared as I can be, if not as awesome at the sweep as I want to be. So I just want to say Amituofo to everyone testing, more chi, test harder!

Through the mirror of my mind

Sorry it has been a while since I've written a post. It's not like I haven't been training; this has been probably one of my best months in terms of attendance. I've been busy in my non-kung fu life -- some of it meh, a lot it really awesome. I've been doing a lot of reflection during this crucial stage of my training, and to be honest, I didn't feel quite ready to commit any of my thoughts to concrete words.

Yeah, yeah, we know -- testing is just one week away (eek!), and it's been pressing at my mind. I had somewhat convinced myself to be prepared for the possibility that Shifu might not think me ready to test for the 3rd form. On the testing sheets, I have yiluquan next to my name (and yes, I know I oughtn't read into it too much), and it seemed like in the last few weeks, everyone was learning more and more of their form except me. I felt stuck in erluquan purgatory.

I had resigned myself to the likelihood that I could be stuck in Level 1 another six months. But why use the word "stuck?" Another six months of L1 would undoubtedly increase my endurance, make me sharper and faster, and make me more confident in my execution of erluquan. Subsequently, I told myself, fine, you will learn the end of erluquan whenever you do, and in the meanwhile, just kick ass and burn through class with a stronger fire in your heart. Improve what you do know and it will all follow through. And if I get to test erluquan, awesome. Awesome because it means I will have completed yet another milestone of training, and awesome because it means L2 is around the corner...and if not, I will do it when I'm ready, which is also awesome. Because it's not about this one single point in my training; it's about reminding myself that the mere fact that I have committed myself to a beautiful lifetime of kung fu -- the whole shebang -- is the awesomest.

This weekend will be my birthday, and my parents are taking me out on Saturday after training for a special lunch. As a present to me, I asked that they come to the City earlier and come watch class, and observe me and my fellow dorks and all of our super duper chi. I want them to understand the commitment I've made to myself, and I want to show them the amazing things I've learned to do with my body. I want them to see how happy training makes me and the sense of accomplishment I gain each time we sweat buckets.

In the off chance my parents don't show up, I will be a little disappointed, but it won't change how hard I push myself during that class, or any other for that matter. It doesn't matter whether Shifu thinks I'm ready for L2 or not. It doesn't matter in the long run if I pass erluquan this time or not. What matters is that I am honest with myself, and I don't sell myself short, and I train as hard as I can. I will learn whatever I have to learn, even if it takes me a little more time, but as I've done over and over again, from the very first caijiao, I will stick it through, and just friggin' do it.

So, anyway, I finally did finish erluquan last night after trudging through it for exactly seven months to the date! (I started it on February 27th). So happy -- after watching Shifu send another handful of people off to work on forms with others, he finally plucked me out of line to finish and polish erluquan with Richu with 40 minutes left in class. I think it was possibly one of my sweatiest classes ever, and I felt woozy, but so proud. So proud to be sticking it through. And excited to polish it...loads.

These boots were made for walkin'...

Today when I got to temple I was tired. I took the day off of work, woke up early and did laundry, then spent the rest of the day hanging out with a friend. We started off at Columbus Circle, and over the course of the day zigged and zagged our way all the way downtown. We covered something like 70+ blocks, and when we arrived at Canal around 6 I did not have the chi. I was actually sleeping on my bag as we sat in Starbucks. I used to trek all over the city all the time, but ever since I started my 9-5 I don't get to as much, and I forgot how tiring and dehydrating sauntering around in the sun for 6 hours can be. But I couldn't very well find myself at Canal and Broadway at 6 on a Thursday and not go train. Especially after lugging my bag around all day.

I'm so glad, as always, that I overcame my lameness and trained. It was a lovely night, big class, and lots of people doing a trial so I felt urged on to extra chi. Another inspiring element was the posting of the testing schedule. My name with "erluquan" written next to it reminded me how very near testing is, and how much I want to do well. Even better, lots of my fellow dorks are scheduled at the same time so we'll be there to boost one another's chi. I'm trying to do erluquan all the way through at least once every class to work out the endurance, then do it in pieces so I can focus on refining the tiny tricky bits. It's starting to feel more comfortable. So maybe, when I try it in a class that does not follow six hours of walking, it'll feel even better.

Breaking it down

So folks, testing is around the corner -- some speculate it might be the weekend of October 6th-7th, which means just about a month away. Eeek!

There are a good clump of us in erluquan purgatory right now -- I myself just finished the dreaded five kicks very recently, and have been trudging forth, trying to make training whenever I can, sneaking a peak at Hannah and Sucheela and the others ahead of me for a preview of what's to come.

Some days, I wonder if I will indeed be able to finish erluquan in time for testing and therefore test for the third form, thereby giving myself an opportunity to move to Level 2.

I know historically, there is usually a mad rush in the weeks leading up to testing to cram as much learning as possible into those on the cusp. Luckily, for the past two testings, I didn't feel rushed. I had learned chujiquantao and then yiluquan respectively well in advance of testing, so by the time the actual testing date came around, I was still nervous, but could still rely on muscle memory to carry me through to victory!

This time, though, should I manage to finish the remaining moves in erluquan in time, I won't be testing for it in a totally rehearsed fashion. Erluquan is such a long form -- so much to remember! But, according to Richu, I only have about 21 moves left. If you break it down, that's less than a move a day -- so it should be totally do-able, and I'll still have a week or so to brush it up. I hope.

The concept of breaking it down is so important! If you had said to me over 20 months ago, Hey 'Playa, you gon' be sweatin' up a storm and doin' all kinds of mad shit 3-4 times a week, and jumpin' and kickin' and stuff, and enjoying it, I would said you must have gone and lost yo mind. But from the start, from the day we learn our first caijiao, from when Heng Li says, okay, stick your foot out light as a feather, you realize you don't focus on kicking the ceiling lights. You break it down and do it bit by bit. And you crawl through the basics little by little, like Shaolin babies striving for more. And then some. Bottom line, you learn that just about nothing is insurmountable if you break it down into baby steps and don't let the whole shebang overwhelm you and defeat you even before trying.

So, in the meanwhile, I will train as hard as I can. I will push myself to go both Saturdays and Sundays. I will try to be more efficient at work to avoid being stuck at the office (although writing this post right now is probably counter-productive). I will not overthink it. And even if I end up sticking it out in Level 1 another six months, so be it cos I will use that time and make myself tougher than I ever dreamed before. 'Cos I got all the time in the world!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Today at Temple during the certificate ceremony, I learned that I passed my test for the second form, yiluquan! A number of our friends passed their respective forms as well and quite a few even graduated to level 2. Congrats to everyone who tested. Train harder!

State of da Qbertplaya

No specific lessons or observations to write down lately, much like the time Mo put forth some Thought Points. Here are just some of my recent thoughts:

1. Lately I too have been struggling with a Shaolin sword poking just under my right butt cheek. During wall stretch a few weeks ago, something got pulled funny and the pull has limited my ability to do pubu on that side and some kicks properly. I am always optimistic when I start class that it'll feel okay, but after a few caijiaos on my right side, I then only work the left leg at full range. I wonder if I should avoid doing anything with my right leg as much as possible, or if I should do half-range kicks to prevent an imbalance, or what. Any advice?

2. Last night after we had been doing forms for a while, Shifu came through to put selected people into groups to learn more of the various forms. He picked Jaka and Hannah R. to work on the beginning of erluquan, and because I was standing next to Jaka and I haven't gotten that far in the form, I thought he wanted me to join their group as well, but he told me to get back in line. I experienced a teeny moment of disappointment until he told Joshua to work with me (and just me) on more erluquan, and so I did get a little bit further. Yay! So, yes, Q., be patient...

3. This past Saturday, I tested for yiluquan with a fun bunch of people, including my fellow dorks, Sucheela and Mo. I felt better about testing this time than I did six months ago, but I still couldn't get away without a Shifu comment specific to me! I've been trying not to think too much about whether I'll pass or not. Ultimately, I am satisfied that I tried my best last Saturday (especially with said Shaolin sword), and I'm always working hard in class. I guess we'll find out soon enough on Sunday at the certificate ceremony!

TRAIN HARDER!

How you train is how you live...

That's what Sifu said at the end of our testing yesterday.

How you train is how you live...

Be confident - believe in yourself - express yourself.

....
If I can do it while training - I can do it in life as well.