Great Expectations

In spite of Al Roker's predictions to the contrary, I did not think yesterday's weather was as stuffily, scorchingly hot as Sunday. That, combined with taking class in the evening, I thought must lead me to predict a training session less fraught with sweat and heatstroke than the day before. And since Sunday I had a pretty good time in spite of all that, I anticipated a Monday class that was hot, but not unbearable.

After the first half hour I was looking for a place to be privately and violently ill. My final jumping spinning lihetui almost left me on the floor I was so dizzy. If Han had told us to do liyu dating I would have gladly jumped out the window rather than the inevitable throwing-up on the carpet that would have occurred. By the time we hit forms, which we did for an hour - unheard of lately in L2, I was so totally drenched in sweat I was Shaolin Showering everyone in the most unpardonable fashion. There wasn't a single dry spot left on my uniform, my hands were all pruned from being so sweaty. As a result I was uncontrollably chugging water even though I knew it would add to the gurgly feeling in my stomach. I was totally disgusted with myself, literally and figuratively.

Was everyone else feeling this pain? Clearly everyone was hot, but the 12 other people in class were trucking admirably along whilst I wallowed in self-pity. Probably I was suffering under the shattering of my built-up expectations that class wouldn't be so awfully hard. It's summer, best get used to it. Just goes to show you shouldn't ever expect anything; just go train. And if you need to throw up, well, we have two bathrooms for that.

Fear isn't something you have; it's something you ARE!

Tonight I went to class in a pretty good mood. I decided I didn't want to work too much on anything where I could potentially injure myself right before testing, so I opted to do some mental training instead.

As we know by now, I have serious fears about landing on my head and going upside down. Well, to prepare for liyu dating we occasionally, (more often of late) do a handstand and then go into a somersault from there. I use "we" loosely. Everyone else does a handstand somersault, I just do the hand stand then lock up and either come back down to my feet or fall sideways and land like a sack of bricks. Fear. I got it. Can't seem to lose it.

So today I spent a half hour before class using a mat and trying to overcome this obstacle. It's since I know I'm lacking the upper body strength to go down slowly; I'm just waiting for a CRACK and impending quadriplegia. And as much as my brain says "DO IT!" my body simply will not respond in kind. I got a little closer as I went on, working in baby steps, but after the 73rd try or so I started to feel queasy and decided to stretch the rest of the time before class.
Sadly the queasiness did not go away. Even sadder, it intensified. I was about to ralph the entire class; I couldn't do my shuangfeijiaos to save my life. And when Han told us to do handstand somersaults, well it simply wasn't my happiest hour. At break I compounded the problem by drinking a ton of water, and I spent the rest of class trying to do my forms as gently as possible so as not to get sick all over the carpet. It's almost midnight and my stomach is still not quite right.

After class some of the other folks said they too had felt really tired and/or queasy. So at least I wasn't alone though I think I looked a mess. I'm glad thought that it was something in the air and not the handstands. Because I just found out that it is something Sifu might actually make us do during testing. So I have to keep wailing at it for the next few classes until I can stop choking, and I sure was hoping it didn't mean I would be this nauseated for the next three days.

Sick-o

Lately, in spite of trying to bring the chi, I've been feeling sort of degenerative and sloppy. Training has been good, but I haven't felt that super about my performance. Not a good feeling right before testing. Luckily, the last few classes things finally started to click, I felt like I was training hard and actually pushing through to a new level instead of training hard and feeling like I'm getting worse. Maybe it's because Friday N'ou came back after a long absence from Level 2. (I love all our L2 teachers but no one pushes us quite like N'ou.) Maybe it was training 6 days last week, I was not just maintaining but moving forward. Or maybe it was going off coffee for a week..... Whatever the cause I was in a really good place - which is why I was so bummed when I got sick yesterday.

Monday morning I biked to work, and felt ok. But as the day progressed I got more and more tired and started coughing something fierce; I knew I shouldn't/couldn't train. Coming home to a fever of 102, I saw I had made the right decision. Aside from possibly passing out, it was wise because there is no greater sin than making everyone else sick right before testing. But now as I sit here tonight, continuing to recuperate, knowing they are just now starting forms, I am really lamenting my terrible luck in falling sick. But is it bad luck? Or is it possible, **gasp**, I over-trained and weakened my immune system? Now that's just crazy talk. Everyone knows training kills sick. I'll be back in action tomorrow, but will the streak be gone? I don't want to lose the chi! Testing is coming! Sick delirium spiraling into illogical panic and nervous breakdown! Ok, so KF does make you sick, but in a mentally ill way... :P