The Knee Update

I'm healed!

Not exactly but my knees don't hurt constantly anymore. I still can't run down the subway steps without scrunching my face but at least I can run.

Looking back to all my knee injury posts, I can't believe this day is here. All of the sudden, I can go to consecutive classes and jumping around without that sharp stabbing pain in the front of my knees.

Of all the things I tried, I wonder what did it.

1. Keep training - maybe I got stronger because I didn't give up training.
2. Sensible shoes - I got rid all my high heel shoes (all except two.) I walk around in sneakers 75% of the time now. The other 25% I still drag flip flops and flat flat shoes around. Not good, I know. But I'm a girl after all.
3. Stretching - I stretch my legs and back regularly even a couple of minutes while I brush my teeth or before going to bed.
4. Massage and foam roller - when my legs hurt I either ask somebody to massage me or I do it myself with a high density foam roller. It feels good even if it doesn't do anything.
5. Psychosomatic - I read this book called The Divided Mind which suggests that pain that occurs for no particular reason are caused by the mind trying to distract your body from emotional/psychological problems. The book also suggests that for some people once they know about it, this trick doesn't work anymore. So maybe this was my case, I learned about it. And now this mind trick is not working.
6. 4th floor walk-up apartment - maybe walking up and down four flights of stairs everyday helps.
7. All kinds of vitamins and supplements - I stopped taking them a long time ago. They are expensive. And I'm not convinced they helped with anything.

Train More. Think Less.

While having lunch after training today, we buzzed in two of our long time Shaolin brothers - Hannah T. and Chris E. Chris came to say goodbye before moving to Ohio. We had a mini Buddhism class talking.

We discussed how most injuries happened when you started thinking. How your body is smarter than your head. The conclusion is that while training - don't think - just do it.

But is this true?

Training is action meditation. But what's meditation? I think it's being present and focusing on the action, and the surrounding. Thinking about a meal after training isn't part of the meditation. I understand that. How about thinking about the space between the person in front of me and behind me in the line? Or how I should always keep my weight on the standing leg while kicking? What does that count as? Is that part of meditation? Is the goal here to have nothing in your head at all or some sensible things are OK?

I think it is. I think any positive thoughts involving the present is my meditation.

Ceshoufan Craziness!

Sometime last summer, I somehow tweaked my right arm/shoulder rotator cuff area. I'm not entirely sure how I did it (perhaps practicing kung fu, carrying luggage, or monkeying around), but it's one of those nagging injuries that keeps hanging around because it's pretty impossible to avoid using whatever muscles/tendon(s) are inflamed, kinda like the infamous Shaolin Butt Sword. Anyway, pretty much at the end of last year, I decided to put a personal moratorium on ceshoufans, figuring it wasn't the best thing in the world putting all my weight on a gimpy shoulder while doing a cartwheel.

My progression through learning the Level 2 basics since the beginning of November finally came to a point where I could no longer avoid doing ceshoufan. I had put off learning Bawang Zhaikui (jump with backwards punch and cartwheel), but it then became the last one on the list. So, after a few times of awesome Eric working on loosening my arm muscles and being faced with having to learn Bawang Zhaikui if I ever wanted to start learning Xiao Hong Quan, I bit the bullet. I then did my first shaky cartwheels of 2009 this past Monday. Scary!

And it paid off -- at the last part of class, during forms practice, Shifu sent Lukas and then Carlos to start Xiao Hong Quan. Emboldened by having done Bawang Zhaikui earlier in line that evening, I asked Shifu if I could join them. He first asked if I had finished learning the basics, and I could honestly answer yes! So he allowed me to join the new Xiao Hong Quan-ers, and I triumphantly ran across the carpet to start the new form.

During last night's energetic Level 2 class Han had us do Bawang Zhaikui as well. But she added a nice challenge, which the competitively friendly bunch ate up -- if we did the ceshoufan with both hands, we had to do 10 v-ups (kinda like sit-ups, but you're lifting your legs too). A one-handed one required only 5, and if you did the holy aerial, i.e., no hands, then no v-ups! Man-oh-man! People were giddy, trying to avoid doing all ten v-ups. I found the chi so infectious, I went right into it without too much thinking, figuring my gimpy shoulder wasn't really doing all that much in terms of weight distribution anyway, so I kept that hand off the ground. And it worked! I did my first one-handed cartwheel (albeit wobbly) ever! I tried it again, and succeeded once more on my third try.

This is probably the first instance where I can think of an injury actually helping me achieve something. Maybe I'll have to screw up my other shoulder just to get the aerial. =P

All My Remedies

I can't imagine the days that I am free of knee pain. I have been living with it for so long. The pain level fluctuated over the years depending on how much I trained. I tried all kinds of magic potions and nothing seemed to work. This is like a curse. It's like "great flexibility comes with great pain."

My first knee pain was accompanied by a lower back pain in the middle of learning Erluquan. I went to a chiropractor. He said I was fucked. My built-for-child-bearing hips weren't straight and therefore screwed up my knees, spines and neck. I kept going to have my spines adjusted and popped for about 3 months with neither lower back or knee pains going away. So I stopped.

Then I went to an Orthopedist. He felt up my knees for about 2 seconds and pronounced my knees Chodromalacia and gave me a prescription for physical therapy for 3 months. So I went to a physical therapy for 3 months during which I hardly trained at all. The therapist ordered me not to do anything i.e. no walking on the beach, no wearing flipflops, no high-heel shoes, no swimming, no biking, no long walk, no running, and no kungfu. I listened to him 75% of the time. I exercised my knees and iced them half religiously.

After the 3 doing-nothing months, I went back to my orthopedist. The pain still didn't go away. He sent me to an MRI. The result showed that everything was fine except that I had huge inflammation under both kneecaps. So he injected Steroid into my knees. The pain went away completely for 3 days and came back when I went back to training.

I stopped going to that doctor.

Not all was lost however, I found out that my problem was the inflammation under the kneecaps. I just have to get rid of it. Patricia (Heng Zheng) told me about Arnica Gel - a homeopathic that helps reduce inflammation. I started using it religiously. It's great for bruises and other kinds of swell but not my knees. I also started using knee braces while training. They reduced impact on my knees a bit during jumping but they are very cumbersome for moves like Xiebu or Zhengtantui.

By this point, my knees are so swollen that I could not bend my knees totally. I grew up sitting with my legs folded and squatting. I could not do either of that anymore because it would hurt too much. I was losing my Asian squat...

I started taking Glucosamine with Chondroitin and MSM -- without any pain reducing result. I also got into a habit of taking Ibuprofen before training so that I could do certain knee-crunching moves with out too much pain.

Recently, Natalie told me about FlexNow - a supplement made from Shea Butter - that she took and had successful anti-inflammation result. So I started taking that too.

Shifu suggested that I stop using knee braces, stop jumping and do more stretching and kicking. So I did just that. In the past two weeks I only trained Level 1 classes and got out of the lines when other people jumped.

Currently, with all these supplements in my body and no jumping, I think my pain level went down a notch. The pain is still there especially when I walk down the stairs. I still can't totally fold my knees but my Xiebu becomes a little more comfortable. So I guess I'm heading toward the right path.

During my last 2 years combating this knee problem, the only time that I was totally pain free was toward the end of my India trip. I did not train at all for about 5 weeks. I had no problem running up and down steps. I hope it doesn't come to choosing between training and my knees. Hopefully, I will find a middle ground where the knees can make peace with Kungfu.

Negation

When N'ou walked in tonight, I felt a burst of excitement; it's been awhile since I've been in a class he taught, and I missed having his style in the mix. Sadly, pretty early on in class I managed to tweak/pull/or otherwise distress something in my left quad and I felt gimpy and debilitated the rest of class. Still, I soldiered on and tried not to be too melodramatic in my sighs of anguish/pain. Probably it's another sign of my atrophy over the latest period in the kung fu saga and I deserve this pain.

It's frustrating because, mentally, my chi has returned. Today I was back to training even though I'm working at staving off a bronchial infection. Slightly sick training wasn't unusual in former times, but the last few weeks (okay months) I latched onto any bogus reason not to show up to class. However, since I felt my haphazard training contributed largely to my prior illnesses, I knew I needed to show up tonight.

Still (to digress) sick three times in 1 1/2 months?! It's totally unprecedented. I usually get one cold a season. Never the flu really, and rarely to I get fevers or any other dramatic symptoms. But since coming to NY I have gotten sick very often. Some was adjusting to a new climate, new allergens, even new water. And some is moving to a city that's much more congested, spending time cramped in on public transportation, and lots of dirt floating in the air. But darn it, I'm from hardy country stock and I'm supposed to be robust and healthy, not hacking like an old lady all the time. Now with my leg gimped out I feel like some caricature of a grandma hobbling and coughing around the city.

Probably it will feel better in the morning, but I will still give it the night off tomorrow. And maybe it's greedy to want to train and not be sore. You can't have everything in life I suppose. I made it through without having to stop, and I didn't get sick from the slight nausea. It's all in my head, I always make it through class. So maybe that's the lesson all of this ties in to: who teaches, the pain of an injury, hangover, sickness, a long absence, none of it has yet caused me to pass out, throw up, break some body part, or give up before the class finished. And if I've gone this long without giving up, there should never be an instance where I'll have to. So no more thoughts of "God, I'll never make it through tonight." I always do. Those thoughts are a waste of chi that could be directed, as now, to rebuilding my quad as it rests under the heating pad.

Roller Coaster Chi

Last night was one of the most difficult classes I've had training. Not because of Heng N'ou who was teaching or the hot and humid air. It's this unbearable pain and pure frustration.

After each of the jump, I almost broke down in tears.

I guess it's time I admit my limitation.

I started hurting my right knee over a year ago. And just recently I felt myself stronger. I was able to stop using knee braces and go through classes without pain. I felt chi through the roof and I could train as much as I wanted!

But it came back - the pain - with vengeance. This time it moved to my left knee. What did I do? What should I do now? I want to keep training because it's one of a few things I have that keep me sane. But this pain and frustration is driving me even crazier. This is no-win.

I guess I'll just go insane for a few weeks until my knees heal then.

Women and Sports

Not too long after I hurt my knee back in September of last year, I got into an argument with my father, who had said to me, "I don't think women should do kung fu." I know he probably was reacting to seeing his daughter hurt herself while he came and watched a class and had found an awkward way to show his concern, and, well, he also is kinda old school, but his statement infuriated me. How could he say that to me, especially after watching me and several of my female friends train so hard for nearly two hours? Hmph!

It is interesting, however, taking into account how many of us women do suffer from various joint (especially knee) injuries. I've heard that women are more susceptible to such injuries for a number of reasons such as our general greater flexibility leads to overextension, or that wider hips lead to a different sense of balance, or that higher tolerance for pain results in us ignoring warning signs, or we feel like we have to prove something while performing against males by pushing even harder.

In fact, this past Sunday's New York Times Magazine featured an article discussing sports and women (in the context of soccer). Check it out. It suggests that perhaps because we are built differently, we should be aware of such differences, and not necessarily view them as limitations, but train with them in mind. The article also mentioned the importance of "sufficient core muscle strength, balance or overall coordination to play safely."

I remember reading recently in one of those free magazines you find while riding an airplane about building core strength, a concept with which I was only vaguely familiar. There is belief that emphasis in building "core" areas such as the abs, pelvis, shoulders and general torso area will result in a safer overall development of one's physicality.

Perhaps it would be prudent to be smarter about training kung fu rather than just slashing through everything? What do you think?

(Also, here is a follow-up discussion to the Times article.)

Unsolved Mysteries

This week I dub "Unsolved Mystery" week. If you had read my previous blog entry, you would know that I mysteriously hurt my back and was quite unable to explode my chi to the fullest during forms testing. What was even more weird was that on Wednesday night, while I was sleeping, I managed to seriously sprain my ankle. I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating ankle pain. It felt like someone dislocated my ankle by dragging me across gravel road with a 4x4 truck. I couldn't walk for most of Thursday and Friday. I had really wanted to train Level 1 on Thursday and Friday. I tried to do a gong bu during the day and it nearly killed me.

I haven't had any Shaolin injury till this week. I definitely haven't sprained my ankle for well over 10 years. I am an avid runner and cross country runner. Our ankles are made of steel. We train them to be.

This leads me to believe that there is something happening to my body that I am not aware of or I am doing something wrong and my body is rebelling. One thing led to another and I believe it is a combination of the way I am stretching and how I regulate my chi. For all the extension we do, I don't nearly stretch enough before and afterwards to maximize strength, flexibility, and enhance recovery. All that is going to change. I bought a really cool stretching book that shows all the anatomy of the muscles so you can understand to stretch better. It's actually been really helpful for my back. I never realized that I haven't been stretching my lower trunk at all!!

Here is also a helpful link for everyone about cause of injury and preventive exercises, i.e. stretching.

Stretching Reference

It's a good read and as you can see, Hamstrings Inflexibility, Gluteus Maximus or Adductor Magnus Inflexibility, and Hip Flexor Inflexibility all can increase Lower Back Injury.

I have also uncovered another "Unsolved Mystery", it is "the Shaolin Butt Sword." This topic has been talked about quite a bit, and I believe it is the Adductor Magnus muscle. Here's one stretch that may help prevent and alleviate the infamous Shaolin Butt Sword.

With my newfound knowledge, I will be stronger than before!! I am going to stop blogging and go stretch!! :D

Testing Recap

Level 1 Testing is over! The final verdict? Everyone did really well! My testing time was at 2:30pm but I went to watch/support the other erluquan (二路拳) people in the 11:45am group. Needless to say, I was there warming up, training, and testing for a little over 4 hours.

The 11:45am group was led by Rob and Ted, who were the only ones testing for erluquan. Everyone else was testing for yiluquan (一路拳). Rob was picked to lead the line. Thanks to his last minute cramming of all the names of the moves the night before, he led wonderfully well. Not once did he mess up, except for when Shifu asked him to do tuizhang (推掌). I know what tuizhang is, but I've never done it while going down the line or just as a standalone unless it was at the end of class. So I don't fault Rob for not knowing what it was, and Shifu didn't asking anyone else to do it the rest of the day.

Both Rob and Ted performed erluquan superbly. I hope they both passed in the eyes of Shifu and move on to Level 2.

The 2:30pm group was full. Everyone was excited and nervous. We were all testing for erluquan. There were 13 of us and Jaka led the line, as I knew he would. He is the most senior out of all of us in terms of the amount of time spent at the Temple. And, he has been asked to teach basic techniques and/or forms almost every Level 1 class. Heng Yu was second and I followed up as third. (Edit: Line Order-> Jaka, Heng Yu, Leo, Mark, Chris, Heng Shan, Heng Shi, Steve, Mike, Heng Zang, Elaine, Ellen, Heng Jin)

My nemesis tengkong fanyao (騰空翻腰) reared its head and I messed up horribly while going down the line. I even bumped into the person behind me as I was trying to get up into the air again. I hope I didn't mess him up too much. It just shows that I need to practice tengkong fanyao much much more.

During a break between basics and forms, I over-extended my back and hurt it somehow. Every step was painful and I didn't think I was going to be able to walk let alone do 3 forms for Shifu. But I resolved that I was already there and the worst that could happen would be that I make many many mistakes and don't pass. If I didn't test, I definitely wouldn't pass. I might as well take my best shot and accept whatever may come.

My erluquan was okay. It lacked any pop and I couldn't really extend or jump. I made it through. The only real glaring mistake was towards the end when you twist your body and jump into a pubu. When I landed, I felt a jolt of searing hot pain shoot up my spine. I lost my balance and almost fell backwards. I bit down hard and quickly recovered and finished the form wincing from unbearable agony. Shifu probably didn't notice because he just thought I was tired from doing the whole form. I actually don't remember doing the last few parts of the form. I was merely concentrating on not doubling over and saying, "Amituofo Shifu, I'm sorry. I can't finish."

I dragged myself back into line and those words kept repeating in my mind. I tried to take my mind off of the pain by watching everyone else test forms. I actually don't remember doing them at all. All I remember was the sensations of a sharp hammer violently assaulting my lower back (which it is still doing as I write this blog entry).

Everyone in our group was really strong with erluquan. I was ecstatically happy for our fellow KF Dork Qbertplaya for finishing erluquan in front of Shifu at testing. I know it has been a long hard-won journey for her. Heng Shi really impressed me for being able to do erluquan after only learning the rest of it this past week. Elaine's form was beautiful and graceful. Jaka's and Heng Jin's form were technically flawless. Heng Yu had massive chi as usual and pushed everyone on. Heng Shan couldn't finish the form the first time, but with heart and determination, he was able to do it all the way through when Shifu gave him a second chance.

All in all, it was a great experience to go through, with many highs and lows. Even if I don't pass, I've learned many valuable lessons to carry with me throughout my journey. The ability to overcome pain. Trusting in muscle memory. Not giving up. How much I love what we do. How much I love being a part of this Shaolin family.

I hope everyone passes and moves on to Level 2 where we will train even harder!! It's time to put our tax refunds to good use by buying new orange uniforms!!

Thank you Heng Cheng for coming to cheer us on with your chi and cupcakes! Both were tremendously appreciated!

Short end of the sock

A while back my socks stopped fitting, or my shoes stopped fitting. Whatever the actual cause I found that my feiyues suddenly rose higher on my ankle than my sock resulting in a discomfortable irritation that evolved into a straight-up injury. Oddly, only on my left foot. Weird. So I started buying taller socks. However I still own about twice as many of my earlier brand and so often have settled for them when laundry is due. Tonight was that night and I was not half-way through my lunbi caijiaos before my left shoe had rubbed my heel raw. It was not going to be a good night.

I came to class with low chi and even coffee did nothing to get my engine running. And my attempts at head flips were even worse than usual. So when my shoe started acting up I was ready to write off anything better than struggling through the first hour so I could get to the changing room and put on the socks I wore at work. (tall and wool, not the most ideal for training, but at least they covered my ankle) As it turned out, I guess I didn't look as bad as I felt, or my ankle distracted me from over thinking my movements, because Khalid, who was teaching, asked me to demonstrate not one but TWO moves during basics. And it was two moves I never felt particularly good at, but I guess my mechanics at least were on point. While the rest of class was still pretty rocky, I used that confidence to help propel me to the end, by reminding myself, that even on the lowest chi days you can still move forward.

Training is my Anti-Anti Drug

Lately classes have seemed more intense. Perhaps it is the disappearance of the walking breaks instituted during summer's debilitating heat, the smaller class sizes of late, or -most likely- I'm training more than ever and am consequently more tired and sore when going to class.

Being insufficiently rested has resulted in a number of consequences, the two most prominent being the rising importance of coffee and pain relievers in my life.

I've always been in a constant battle with coffee, I love it but I don't like the accompanying highs and lows depending of my caffination. I don't like the gurgling stomach I get if I have it before training, but I like not feeling like curling up to sleep in the meditation room.

Pain relievers are a little different. I think I've mentioned before that I like to avoid taking medicine if I can. Serious illness and injury are one thing but otherwise I like my body to take care of itself. But near-perpetual soreness and semi-injury are testing my resolve on this point.

I don't want to feel dependent on coffee or Advil to provide me with energy or cure my aches and pains. I want to know my body well enough to push it harder but not too hard, because I know that will make me stronger in the end than relying of a caffeine fix to give me faux-chi or anti-inflammatories to make me feel less stiff and more flexible. I don't want to be an addict!!!!! So how to solve this? I already get more sleep than most people I know. My job is low impact. Do I really just need to train less? Because after a downright excruciatingly painful set of kicks last night I need to reassess what I'm doing. Or maybe I need to crush my pride or whatever is holding me back and embrace the drugs......

Diversion Tactics

I thought last night's class would be all about my thumb; it's still fat and pained and kind of purple. Turns out, it was all about my hamstring. After overextending a caijiao last week my right leg has pretty much been out of commission. I've been training through it, but it's come to the point that I think this one needs rest, not training. (The last couple of classes have been, frankly, painful.) What it did serve to do though, was distract me from my thumb. The distraction allowed me to discover that, while I can't bend it, I can still do a ceshoufan or two without too much pain.

Funny how one pain minimizes another. A foot injury distracted me from my shinsplints, a sore neck distracted me from my foot. A sore butt distracted me from my neck. The flu distracted me from everything. Just goes to show, if you don't focus on the pain it will in fact go away.

This is something I've noticed in how I approach class as well. I used to get caught up in how many people were in class, where I was in line, how many minutes left until a water break, the temperature and who knows what else. I realized lately that these things have gone away. I don't know if it's from training a lot more or being stronger, or being more chan, but now class is just class. I don't worry about how much water I'm drinking or where my sweat is flying: I just train. I don't know how or when it happened, but it's a really satisfying realization.

I also spend less time trying to distract myself in line. It used to be that I would try to think on something, sing a song in my head, or anticipate some other move to distract me from the pain/exhaustion of the move I was on. Now, I am much more focused on what I am doing and how well I'm executing it. And the pain has gone away not through distraction but through strengthening my movements by focusing on technique. It's not that I don't still get tired, (hahah if only). It's not that I don't still fall victim to pain - see my lackluster training in light of current barrel of injuries. Only now I feel like, I'm going in with the same mindset no matter what variables are varying.

I must say though, I'd still like something to divert me from the pain in my leg. It's so unsatisfying not to be able to whip out five kicks at full chi.

Devolving

Last night, through no one's fault, I got smacked in the hand in line during fanyao. I never really think of fanyao as a strike, yet I can recall more than one occasion where I or someone else has suffered a rather painful injury from a fanyao collision. Don't underestimate the power of whipping arms! Anyway, the accident left my thumb throbbing and before the stretch break it had swollen too, if not enormous proportions, at least big enough to look funny next to my other thumb. And just when I unjammed my finger accident from last week. Of course that one, I hit myself....... As a result I once more have a hand hampered by a jammed finger. Only this time I've lost the benefits of my opposable thumb, the result of eons of hard evolving.

My pre-simian abilities got me pondering backwards evolution and that feeling you get sometimes that, through no fault of your own, your kung fu seems to be de-evolving. (Devolving we'll call it, hyphens are awkward.) I'm not talking about when something is rusty because you haven't practiced it in awhile or struggling with something you're still trying to learn. This is when you're rolling merrily along only to suddenly discover you can no longer do a fanyao properly on your right side, you can no longer do a yangshen yunshou on EITHER side, or you for no reason whatsoever regress in your forms. This seems to be happening to me a lot since I began L2. Sometimes it's just choking. Sometimes.... I don't know.


There does exist the theory that you are actually getting better. The more you learn the more you see that you are doing incorrectly so you are more and more aware of even the tiniest flaws in your movements. So even though it feels bad/different, the move is improving.

I think this is sometimes the case for me, but certainly not always. I guess, sometimes something just gets off and, like my new found appreciation for how much I need my thumb, when it starts working once more, you get the pleasure of success all over again.

Yay! New Bruise!

This time it's at the inner side of my right ankle from trying to Lihetui but couldn't.

:)

I haven't had bruises from training for a while. Maybe I didn't train that much. Maybe I got better at what I had learned.

Anyway, the bruise hurts but I like it.

The (Over)Thinker

Last night, according to Qbertplaya, I developed the infamous Shaolin Butt Sword. I don't know about that, it's not near by butt, but down in my inner and lower hamstring. But the symptoms she says are identical. It all started with my first Level 2 class and a strain on my hamstring from lots of pubu chuanzangs. It's been there but sort of gradually losing intensity over the past week. Last night, it was not being my friend, but I was still trucking through it when during a yangshen yunshou my leg just totally freaked out on me, sort of seizing up and yet over stretching at the same time. I must learn to pivot!!! In the meantime I almost crashed to the floor, but managed to limp back into line wondering if I should take a moment off to assess the damage. Coupled with some serious shinsplints (a result of trying to correct both my take-off and landing in jumps, consequently I haven't yet managed to successfully do both at the same time) I felt a little as though continuing might be taking "training harder" a step too far.


Which leads to my thought for today: Is there such a thing as training too hard? We know that pushing yourself into an injury is bad, but sometimes I worry I'm just mentally giving in to a pain I'm having. Last night I did keep going in spite of all my bodily objections, and except for avoiding right sided pubus, and wincing a bit during right sided kicks, I managed fine. Is this good or bad? I'm an over-thinker. I know that. I waste more energy thinking about something than just doing it. When I start class I try to get that out of my head, but generally my brain still runs a mile a minute impeding my ability to "just do it." How do you switch that off? And if you do, is that bad because you won't stop to consider pausing for an injury? Here I am again, thinking about it too much instead of just icing my leg and moving forward. If I stopped thinking I bet I could fix my jumps easier too. I know this all comes down to knowing your body and kung fu being action meditation where you're supposed to clear your mind, but I wish I had a switch to just turn my brain off and relax. Actually while we're wishing for things I wish I had a switch to turn off the ache in my Shaolin Lower-inner-hamstring Sword. Actually, while we're wishing for things..... did I mention I think too much?

Notes from the D.L.

Man, it has been a while since the last time I posted here. Most of you have heard by now that during the last class I attended on September 29th, I twisted my knee doing a sweep kick in erluquan. It happened towards the end of class, and I had been feeling the chi, mostly because my parents showed up to watch class. I guess I was trying extra hard to show off or something.

I was kind of an emotional wreck the next few days. At first, I was soooo disappointed -- I had just finished learning erluquan, and I was all geared up to test for it the following weekend. I was eager to show Shifu all my hard work.

When a visit to the orthopaedist for x-rays and an MRI suggested that I might be dealing with a torn something-or-other, I went from disappointed to scared. Not only was I dreading the prospects of surgery, but I faced a possible recovery time of 8-10 months before I could even think about returning to kung fu. Yikes!

Happily, the results of the MRI a week later showed that nothing was torn; I had sustained a major sprain to a knee I've hurt before years ago from basketball. So, thankfully, I am looking at a shorter recovery time and have dodged the surgery bullet.

I am going to physical therapy twice a week, and every time I go, they give me more and more little exercises to strengthen my inner quadricep muscle to stabilize my kneecap in its groove. While those exercises may pale in comparison to what we accomplish at Temple, part of my training now is to recognize that this too is part of training. And it's working; every day I do feel a little stronger.

So what now? People have asked how long will it be before I train again, and it's a beautiful thing to know that so many friends are rooting for your speedy recovery. At first, I said to them, "Oh, hopefully a month and a half, two months at most." But ever since I started physical therapy last week, I have decided merely to say, "We'll see. I'm taking it day by day."

A knee injury is nothing to sneeze at! I will be sure to take however long I need to ensure a full recovery, and to be dilligent about doing my exercises. And while I miss the thrill of pushing my body to the max and seeing all of my fellow dorks, I need to exercise patience training, which can be most difficult. I need to do what's right for Qbertplaya and her busted knee, so that when she comes back, she will be ready to attack (if even only from the side line)!

-Funny title here- too sore to think...

Heng Mo and I were joking that there is a sadist/masochist mentality at work in training. Our teachers like hurting us and we like letting them :) Of course, that's not true; it's not about hurting, it's about pushing ourselves. There is beautiful pain and then there is just injury, and it's important to recognize the difference.


With the advent of Level 2 and being work-free I basically have the opportunity to train every class all week. But while that would be a chi-tastic way to push myself, I don't want to hurt myself either. It's hard to reign in the enthusiasm, in favor of sensible pacing of oneself. Level 2 has left me with all sorts of beautiful new soreness and while I did train Level 1 last night, I'm resisting the urge to train it again this morning before L2 tonight. I know that I have to give my body some time to heal itself and to adjust to the new rigors of every day training; you can't just go from running one mile a day to running ten. I want to push through pain, and work out soreness, but I don't want my shinsplints to develop into crippling pain that prevents me from training at all. So I'm pacing myself, trying to harness my tendency to over-exert, so that I'm always making myself stronger. Besides, I hear (though I think it's an urban legend) that there are other things to do in New York besides train all the time.....

"It's the wood that should fear your hand!"

We don't do much, or really anything, that involves contact in class. At least we don't in Level 1. So unless someone accidentally hits you in line, the person most likely to hurt you is, well, you. Now and again I've noticed I get shin splints from landing wrong in my jumps or bruise my feet from hitting them during caijiao/lunbi caijiao, but mostly these things go away after a bit of corrective modification. The last few classes my latest pain has come from stomping. I first notice a little pain in my right leg when I'm landing erqijiaos, straining my calf from landing too hard. Then immediately after, during the pubu chuanzhang, whilst stomping, the pain shoots up the back of my calf making it near-impossible to resist grimacing. This pretty much sets up a series of identical, and increasingly sharper pains during the stomps in forms, until I have to "air-stomp" and easy my way into gongbus to avoid doing myself a serious injury. Silly Hannah, what are you doing?

Richu made the comment that I should be hurting the floor, the floor shouldn't be hurting me. That made me think of "Kill Bill" where Uma is putting her fist through the fat hunk of wood. Now, I don't need to be punching through walls or beating people up, but the point remains, what good is any kind of strike if I'm just hurting myself? I'm not quite sure what I'm doing wrong, and I don't know why it's manifesting as a pain in my calf instead of a shin splint or something. Still, I will make a concerted effort to figure out the logic of hurting the floor since the last thing I want to do is limp through testing. Or really limp anywhere. If I have to, I will stomp right through to the cafe below us. More chi! Stomp harder!

Mystery....

Last night I finally solved a mystery. Lately, every time I've finished what I know of erluquan the toes on my right foot have ached like I jammed all of them at once. I never notice myself doing anything to them during the form, but I've ended up with a little limp as I go back to the line. Running through it in my head I couldn't figure out what move I was doing that would jam up all the toes only on my right side. Whenever I was doing the form I would forget to try and figure it out, my mind consumed with trying to remember all the things Sifu has told me to do. Last night though, my toes were so sore they reminded me to solve this mystery once and for all. I thought, maybe something to do with the sweep? I don't quite know how.... maybe from jumping into the pubu? But I never had that problem before... I went through the form step by step and then -- I couldn't believe it. It was the xiebu stance right before the sidekick. Possibly the least demanding part of the form that I know thus far. And I've done xiebus forever; how could this be? But there was no doubt about it. Apparently, when I go down into the stance I am slamming my right foot really hard into the ground, causing the ache in my poor, abused phalanges...

The more I thought about it the more it made sense, because that's the point in the form when my legs start to feel a little tired and I'm not as controlled as I should be. Mystery solved! At least partway. Now, how to prevent continuing to hurt myself? I've had this problem before, overzealous moves causing me injury. Slapping my foot too hard during kicks, stomping too hard during pubu chuanzhang.... But I've gotten control over these things in the end. This is slightly different since it's a result of being tired more than being too exuberant, but the same rules apply: I need to be more controlled, pay more attention to what I'm doing, and of course train harder!

"Don't wake me I plan on sleeping in."

So sleepy on Sunday. It's not the first night out late that gets you; it's the second. The thing is, even when I go to bed at 3 or 4am, I still wake up at 7:30 out of habit from work. So by Sunday morning I was not at all well-rested. That, combined with this stupid pseudo-cold that I can't shake, meant that I spent most of basics seriously contemplating how I could get down the carpet with my eyes shut. Very bad chi.... By the end of class my legs were frozen. I was trying to work on the sweep but I could barely get myself into gongbu to begin it. I'm glad I went to class if only to teach myself about responsibility and the repercussions of not getting enough sleep. I am not so talented as Heng Ji whose forms seem to get better the less sleep she gets. I think she had a total of 5 hours of sleep from Friday to Sunday. What a champ. Unfortunately, instead of my sweep being better from my tiredness, I ended up catching myself on the last one with only my thumb, bending it all the way back to my hand. Swore like a sailor right in front of Heng Xu. My thumb is a little swollen and throbbing unpleasantly today. I am going to bed at 8 o clock tonight........