Ceshoufan Craziness!

Sometime last summer, I somehow tweaked my right arm/shoulder rotator cuff area. I'm not entirely sure how I did it (perhaps practicing kung fu, carrying luggage, or monkeying around), but it's one of those nagging injuries that keeps hanging around because it's pretty impossible to avoid using whatever muscles/tendon(s) are inflamed, kinda like the infamous Shaolin Butt Sword. Anyway, pretty much at the end of last year, I decided to put a personal moratorium on ceshoufans, figuring it wasn't the best thing in the world putting all my weight on a gimpy shoulder while doing a cartwheel.

My progression through learning the Level 2 basics since the beginning of November finally came to a point where I could no longer avoid doing ceshoufan. I had put off learning Bawang Zhaikui (jump with backwards punch and cartwheel), but it then became the last one on the list. So, after a few times of awesome Eric working on loosening my arm muscles and being faced with having to learn Bawang Zhaikui if I ever wanted to start learning Xiao Hong Quan, I bit the bullet. I then did my first shaky cartwheels of 2009 this past Monday. Scary!

And it paid off -- at the last part of class, during forms practice, Shifu sent Lukas and then Carlos to start Xiao Hong Quan. Emboldened by having done Bawang Zhaikui earlier in line that evening, I asked Shifu if I could join them. He first asked if I had finished learning the basics, and I could honestly answer yes! So he allowed me to join the new Xiao Hong Quan-ers, and I triumphantly ran across the carpet to start the new form.

During last night's energetic Level 2 class Han had us do Bawang Zhaikui as well. But she added a nice challenge, which the competitively friendly bunch ate up -- if we did the ceshoufan with both hands, we had to do 10 v-ups (kinda like sit-ups, but you're lifting your legs too). A one-handed one required only 5, and if you did the holy aerial, i.e., no hands, then no v-ups! Man-oh-man! People were giddy, trying to avoid doing all ten v-ups. I found the chi so infectious, I went right into it without too much thinking, figuring my gimpy shoulder wasn't really doing all that much in terms of weight distribution anyway, so I kept that hand off the ground. And it worked! I did my first one-handed cartwheel (albeit wobbly) ever! I tried it again, and succeeded once more on my third try.

This is probably the first instance where I can think of an injury actually helping me achieve something. Maybe I'll have to screw up my other shoulder just to get the aerial. =P

Riding on the Wings of Victory

The Aerial. I did it. I landed one.

After seeing it all my life in kung fu movies, tv shows and acrobatic tumbling routines, I did something on Friday I've never thought I would be able to do. I landed my own aerial.

It's not that I never thought I would be able to do it. Lots of people can do it. Most of the senior Level 2's can. I remember one of my first classes at the Temple when Heng Li was leading the line and we were doing 側手翻 (CeShouFan). He did aerials oh-so-casually all the way down the line. And if you know Li, when I say "casual", I mean FULL of chi. :) My fancy took flight and I told myself, "If I trained harder, maybe I'll get there too."

It's been a year and a half since that day and I have evolved physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've been feeling and witnessing exponential growth within me. Friday was the day I tasted my first freedom and learned to fly. That's exactly what an aerial is. It's suspended animation gliding through the air. It's as if a mini-worm hole was created and the laws of physics and gravity no longer applied. For that split second, time stopped and the world ceased to exist. I was in a moment of total amazement and bliss. The next second came and the world came rushing back. All I heard was the class exploding in clapping and cheers. I landed one. My very first.

I've been on the cusp many times. But, right when I get to the vertical point, doubt would creep in and I would reach out my hands and fall back down. Not holding out your hands to touch the ground takes courage and fearlessness. You have to believe that your head won't get smashed on the ground. You have to believe that your body has enough momentum to carry you over the 90 degree point. You have to believe in yourself.

I've had horrendous pain in my neck and spine in the past two weeks. I'm not really sure how I got it but it just wouldn't go away. Now I know what that was. It was the blossoming of my wings of victory.

Sources of Inpiration

Thanks, Cheng, for your inspired call to action! I've been half-writing this post in my head for a bit now without committing any words on my keyboard, but now your poem compelled me to push it out... :)

Anyway, now that I've been training for a bit over 2.5 years now (and still stuck in L1), I am not learning anything "new" per se, so I strive to improve what I already do know by trying to make things sharper, doing actions faster, and so forth. Something that has been sort of a nemesis to me is trying to avoid taking steps in between kicks. Shifu has called me out on it so many times, and it really hit me hard this past Spring. I think I've made some progress in erasing this terrible habit of mine through a long process of almost having to re-learn by observing others, by changing my sense of balance, and by reminding myself that it's not about doing it fast, but doing it correctly. Constant evolution!

Recently, at the 100 day ceremony for Heng Ju, I saw Niederwelt's 5 year old niece Nina spinning cartwheels like it was nobody's business -- she effortlessly did one after another without any pauses or steps across the green carpet much to the amusement of herself and others. It really was ceshou-fun!

The next week I attended a day class and while we were doing ceshoufans during basics, I heard Xu call to me not to take extra steps. Buoyed by my memory of Nina a few days earlier, I tried it out, and wheeeee! boy, did those ceshoufans come whipping by faster! In fact, I felt like I was moving so much quicker that I almost lost my sense of balance and came tumbling down. I guess like with everything, I'm just gonna have to readjust and recalibrate. Oh, and maybe attempt ceshoufan again from the other side...yeahhhhhhh.......

Speaking of observing others, in recent classes I attended, I have noticed a new young fellow who has yet to learn all the basics, but does the most wonderful tenkong fanyaos. I don't know his name (yet) but I am inspired by how fluidly he leaps into the air and rotates. He is gazelle-like and strikes me as a dancer. I shall have to study his movements more and hopefully something will seep into my own labored tengkong fanyao.

It goes to show that you never know when you'll find something from which to learn.

Who Let the Chi Out?

For the past few days since Monday night Level 2 class, I've been perplexed by something. When did my chi get so strong that I could do one-handed 側手翻 (ceshoufan) repeatedly like I've been doing them all my life?!! Up until Monday night, I haven't been able to do a one-handed 側手翻. Not even a close one. I tried it only 2 times, and each time, I fell like a poorly stacked house of cards crumbling to the ground. Carpet ? Meet face. Face? Meet Carpet. Fun times. I assure you. All of that changed Monday night. While everyone did 霸王摘魁 (baiwang zhaikui), I did 側手翻. Right before the end of the carpet on my first run, I didn't feel like putting my left hand down. (I guess that's the best way to describe it) I did a nice round off with one hand and went to the back of the line. In my mind, I was like, "Did I just do a one-handed ceshoufan? Nah! How can this be? When did I learn how to do that?!" On the next run, the same thing happened, except it happened twice in a row. I did TWO one-handed ceshoufan in a row!! I heard someone say, "Nice!" So I am assuming I wasn't dreaming it. This got me thinking. What changed from Friday to Monday? The only answer I can come up with is, of course, THE RETREAT!!

But what exactly at the Retreat did I learn that enabled me to do ceshoufan one-handed? The Retreat should have tired me out. Plus, Monday was my fifth day of training. My arms should have felt like jello. Then, the answer came to me. It was the Chi Kung.

The Chi Kung we learned at the Retreat totally focused my chi, especially in the arms. Right before Monday class, I got to Temple early and did my Chi Kung exercises. You wanna hear something crazy? I could have sworn I saw mist/steam/chi rise from body while I was doing the third movement. I was like, "Oh! I'm seeing things! Great! That's all I need! Class hasn't even started yet!" I did the third movement again and I saw the chi rising again. Now I was like, "COOL!!!!!!!" I forgot all about it until the inexplicable happened. Repeated one-handed ceshoufan's down the line.

One of my reasons for going on the Retreat was to learn Chi Kung. I've been dying to learn it. Now that I have, does it live up to the hype? You betcha!! Who let the Chi out? Whoop! Whoop!

Shaolin Crush #2

It's been a while since my first Shaolin Crush entry, but that shouldn't suggest that I haven't been feeling the love for various Shaolin brothers. Today my heart did the extra pitter-pat for one of my long standing favorites, Randy.

Now some may say this crush is borne of the fact that when Randy trains we Brooklynites get a ride home, and I can't deny that's a perk :), but for a long time I've admired him for his indestructible, positive chi. He's always encouraging, and always training hard even when he's injured and hurting, and brings a really fun energy to class. He is also a font of helpful tips for whatever move I happen to be practicing before class. Today, I was going back to square one on my ceshoufans, trying to get them straighter and faster. Today he was getting ready to go after tai chi and I asked a passing question about one handed ceshoufans while he put on his shoes. What did he say? Nothing; he immediately took his shoes back off and did some. Then he broke it down for me and showed me how to gradually build up to to doing them full out with lots of encouragement after each of my embarrassing attempts.

So hearts and flowers for Randy, who, after almost two hours of tai chi, put off going to whatever his post-training activity was to jump to my aid with such enthusiasm. Or should I say, one-handed ceshoufan to my aid. Be still, my heart...

On Getting Out of Your Own Way

Tonight before training, Cheng and I were practicing Ceshoufan, and attempting to articulate the force or thrust that allows you to go faster. We came to understand that it definitely involves alignment, balance, and continuous movement, but we never had that "Aha!" moment where the missing piece was revealed.

Ji suggested flipping around, the way Han teaches, and I think I've blogged about this before, but I absolutely love this exercise. This is Ceshoufan, but FAST, and in place-- and you become a spinning wheel, hovering above the floor, squelching friction, defying gravity, and yes! Getting out of your own way.

Getting out of your own way is an amazing anti-skill. It is the absence of blockage, the elimination of procrastination, the banishing of excuses, of clouded thought, of fear and doubt. It is returning-- not to where you've been, but to where you are, again and again. It is yourself chasing yourself, around and around, until you merge fully with the "you" that you're chasing, until you catch up and are fully gathered at one centered point.

To do this, to merge fully, you must make room for yourself by getting out of your own way. This requires the perfect timing of orbiting hands and feet around your center. It means using the power from your core, but letting your limbs steal the show. And it employs movement-- continuous movement, and balance, and alignment.

Every time I do it, I note the wonderful feeling of replacing myself. We are always creating and re-creating anyway, undergoing constant regeneration at every... *ahem* ... turn. And although I know part of the objective is to stay in one place in order to embody the aforementioned hovering wheel, I always get satisfaction from finding myself just a little bit ahead of where I was when I began.

I think whatever it is that helps to speed up Ceshoufan is the same thing that will help with xuanzi, and xuanfeijiao (sp? Tornado?), and it has to do with launching from your center, not your extremities, and being aware of all of it at once. This is something I'm definitely still learning about jumping and getting height in general-- how to be aware of my body when it is aloft-- how to expand that slice of time so that I can be in it and understand it.

All ponderings aside, any advice about how to jump higher is greatly appreciated. Getting out of my own way implies that I've created a way to begin with, but "up, higher" is still relatively unchartered territory.

Worrywart

Last night was the first N'ou Level 2 class I've had since coming back from vacation. I can't believe it's been over 3 weeks!!! I like Level 2 training because with different people teaching the classes are always a surprise. I like mixing it up. Being back in a class with N'ou was great, and he mixed up the order a little from the one we had settled into.

Usually we do bawang zakui after most of the basics. We hit it around 7:40 or so. How do I know so accurately? Because I kind of dread doing it and waste a lot of mental energy trying to psych myself up for not blowing my left handed ceshoufan. Lately they've been getting better actually. I've been doing a fair amount of ceshoufans before class. But for some reason I still occasionally choke. Something's off with my timing. So when N'ou called out "bawang zakui" at 7:20 in the middle of basics, my stomach did a flip flop because I was totally not expecting it.

Happily, though, I did it fine, without choking, even when we had to do two in a row. Plus, it cleared my mind from worrying about it for the rest of basics. I'm a worrier. We've established. So it was great to have that particular worry cleared from my mind. Hopefully I will now be able to let go of it in the future. I just hope I don't unconsciously replace it with some new ridiculous fear.........

Magic Mirror on the Wall....

Before training I always try to do a few ceshoufans while warming up, particularly on my left side, to get my body warmed up and break through that initial intimidation before I have to do bawang zakuis in class. Yesterday I moved down to the other end of the carpet so that I could watch myself do them in the mirror. Admittedly, my attempts to watch myself probably threw off my form a little bit, but it was amazing to see how different it looked from how it felt.

Often I see someone not extending or not straightening their leg and I think, "How can you still be doing X after you've been taught a dozen times not to do it?" But then I remember I still fight to have a straight leg in my gongbus and I've literally been doing them since day one. The trouble is feeling something versus seeing it. My leg feels honest to god straight. I feel my knee locking. but when I look in the mirror I see that is not the case, and I see why I'm still getting called at in line.

That is what happened with my ceshoufan. I never thought they were stellar, but I did feel they were improving. But watching them in the mirror I now see many of the sources of my problems and lots of new problems to sort out. Funnily enough, this didn't bother me. Instead it made me happy to have finally been able to identify specific problems in my form instead of hearing the inspiring but often vague go-to command of "Extend!" I'm much more comfortable having things to work on when I can see exactly what they are instead of hoping against hope that I'm correcting something the right way. Hopefully, now that I can see it I will eventually get to the point where I CAN feel the difference and I won't need the mirror anymore to tell me what 's going on.

The mouths of babes....

My blog posts have been on hiatus of late because I'm currently spending an extended vacation with the family in GA. What with it being the holiday season and there being lots of cookies around and me having the willpower of jello, not as much training has been happening as I would have hoped. There have been lots of bike rides and runs and walks in the woods and splitting wood for the fire and various other activities keeping me fit. But my kung fu training sessions have been few and generally lacking intensity.

Early on in my stay when I was practicing, my little sister, who is 6, came out to join me and soon revealed that she was capable of doing a head flip. She has mixed success getting up out of it, but watching her barrel forwards and a full run and fling herself into it was alternately impressive and frustrating. Ah youth.

So this afternoon when I was outside working on jumps and she again joined me, we started doing headflips together. After a few back landings that knocked the wind out of me, I started to get it. And even though I still can't get up out of it, I was pretty satisfied. The next think I knew I was helping her and one of my other sisters, who is ten, work on cartwheels. I was whipping out my right and left-handed indiscriminately and then started relentlessly trying them one handed. This was a less successful experiment, but I think having their youthful and fearless energy around me gave me the gumption to try it without worrying about breaking my neck.

When I get back on Monday I don't think I will have nailed anything new. And in fact will be a little pudgier than when I left. (Lots of Christmas baking around here....) But I will try to retain my new fearless spirit of tumbling. What's the worse that could happen? Well, I could twist my ankle like one of my other sisters just did...

I hope everyone had a happy holiday and I can't wait to see you all at temple!